I've thought a lot lately about how long one must wait through a trial until a blessing arrives. It seems that though the timing varies in each case, that the blessing they received is much more than they could have imagined. I focused in lightly on Abraham, Job and then Zacharias. Each was put through a trial, some harsher than others, and each was forced to wait significant periods of time before their blessing was received. Trick is, they received much more than they had imagined, and each had learned quickly to not question the plan of God.
Starting with Abraham, the trials we read about are various, from having to leave home at seventy-five, to getting a promise of a son not soon after, and then being forced to wait like 24 years for that Promised Son to be Born. It looks as though through the scriptures, that Abraham was given the promise shortly after he was told to leave Ur. And that being when he was 75 he didn't have Isaac until he was 100. In that stretch of time he proceeded to try and intervene and speed up the process. He slept with Hagar when he was about 86 years old and was able to conceive a son through her. Only thing was that this wasn't the son that God had promised him. He sidestepped God's plan, or at least he thought he did. God told him as much too. He forced him to wait even more. Thirteen years later Abraham and Sarah were visited again by an angel this time promising them a son in one years time. They laughed at the Idea and were rebuked for it. And Just as promised a son Came one year later.
We have about 38 chapters of Job's woes before we get God speaking to him again. Job has not lost any faith in God, nor has he turned away, but in his frustration he has questioned what God has allowed to happen. God rebukes him for it. Asking him where Job was when God was creating the World, and what authority he has to educate God on the things He should be doing. Yet it is still another four chapters, I don't know length of time, until we see that Job is blessed for his faithfulness. It appears that this plague of badluck that Job had went on for a long time, and that the heeling process took long as well. But God Was faithful and blessed Job for his endurance.
Zacharias questioned the angel that Told him that He would have a son in his old Age, in the Holy of Holies no less. He was rebuked, and punished. For at least ten months he was silenced. He could not speak a word until the 8th day of his Sons life when he simply said He will be Called John. And Zacharias was blessed with the son he had always wanted, as well as the knowledge that soon after the Christ would come.
These three came to mind cause they varying degrees of the trials they faced, and the various lengths of time they had to endure until the blessing was given to them. Each one needed rebuking, each one needed correcting, and reaffirming that the trials would pass and they would be able to receive the blessing they had coming. While one of them seemed to know that this blessing was coming, the other two have no indication through the Scriptures that they knew anything else besides the fact that God is faithful. They were able to persevere simply based on that knowledge.
They Didn't have specifics.
They didn't have it in black and white.
They didn't have contracts they could refer back to.
I guess that for me that's what strengthens the points all the more. Those guys didn't know what was coming. They were able to keep their faith up however, because they knew that God was faithful. They probably never dreamed that their blessings would be as significant as they were, but none the less they still stood strong.
For me that's an amazing encouragement. That fact alone, that God is faithful, has been the backbone to me getting past the things that have been thrown my way. I've not lost the fact that God loves me, or that he will bless me once this is all over, but I've often needed the rebuking and correcting he has given me to make sure I keep my mind on what's true.
God is Faithful.
God Loves me.
God will see me through.
There is a blessing on the other side.
I'm not sure that this is theologically correct, but for me it seems that the longer the trial, the harsher the trial, that the blessing is that much more spectacular.
That said I'm anxious for this to be over, but prepared to keep enduring what's thrown at me.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Baptism Acceptance between Roman Catholic Church and the CRC
I am writing this because in the January Issue of Banner, the CRC magazine, there is an article detailing that the CRC and Roman Catholic Church are working towards an agreement that would recognize each others Baptisms as Valid in both, as stated in the Article " to make the transition into the Roman Catholic church or into the CRC easier." I first off find it discomforting that the CRC is writing this to allow an easier entrance in the Roman Catholic Church as the two have very different Doctrinal standards as well as different belief systems in regards to how one attains salvation. View the Article Here, http://www.thebanner.org/news/article/?id=3076 My post that follows is not an attack to the CRC's idea of baptism it is simply me voicing my discomfort with the idea that the CRC would allow itself to come into agreement on this issue when the views of the two churches do not align at all.
I was born into the Christian Reformed Church and baptized as an infant, yet I can now say that that baptism was a promised from my parents that they would raise me in a manor pleasing to the Lord as well as that the Church would help out in that regard. However, through my own study and education I have come to see that in scripture the idea of infant baptism is invisible. Every baptism that was done by either John the Baptist or through one of the Apostles was to someone that was coming in Repentance, to John the Baptist, or to commit themselves to Christ. John the Baptist himself speaks of the fact that his baptism is less than that of the Christ will bring, saying "As for me, I baptize you with water for repentance, but He who is coming after me is mighteier than I, and I am not fit to removie HIs sandals He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and Fire." (Matt. 3:11, Mark 1:8, Luke 3:16 and John 1:26) Even speaking in regards to John's baptism it is one of repentance and an infant cannot repent of anything for they have no knowledge that they have done wrong. Though my intent is not to criticize pedobaptism I feel there is no choice but to speak to what the Bible speaks about when it discusses Baptism itself. Again we do not see in the New Testament anywhere where baptism is done to someone that has not Confessed Jesus as Lord and Savior, Acts 19:3,4 talks about the fact that those that were Baptized into the baptism of John still needed to be under the Baptism of Jesus. Earlier in Acts we see that the Jailer that was brought to Christ was baptized after the fact (Acts 16:33), and yes the verse concludes with the phrase "and all his household" yet we see no evidence that this is done for any that were not converted. Again in Acts 8:37 and 38 we see that Philip baptizes the Ethiopian Eunich after he has received the Gospel and Grace of God. In fact in that Passage the Ethiopian says first " I blieve that Jesus Christ is the Son of God." He makes a proclamation of the deity of Christ, that He is in fact the Christ, and a personal belief in Jesus BEFORE being Baptized. (Philip actually requires this confession before he will baptize the man.) In Romans 6:4 Paul speaks of Baptism as a symbol of being buried with Christ and being raised in Christ's resurrection into New Life. Colossians 2 verse 12 carries this same idea.
Looking at those texts alone we have to come to the conclusion that baptism is for those that have a belief in Jesus Christ. Now, like I said before I do not wish to make this about pedobaptism but those points, I feel, must be made in order to properly refute the idea that the CRC should allow the baptism of it's Church to be viewed as the same as that of the Catholic Church.
One quick side bar on the topic, in study of the Greek work baptizo three definitions come into play the first two being that of submerging something to clean it or to repeatedly do it for another reason. But a third definition is there also which is to overwhelm. If Jesus' baptism is that of the Spirit, the image is true to the Submerging of a believer into the Spirit, but also the fact that the believer would be Over Whelmed by the Spirit. Another thing that cannot happen without that person coming to a true Faith in Christ.
After looking at CRC doctrine of Baptism, and that of the Roman Catholic Church it is clear that the two carry different ideas of what baptism is in the life of a believer. Though apparent differences in my own Dispensational theology to that of the Covenant theology of the CRC, I want to still say this; according to the Westminster Catechism baptism is a sign of the Covenant, not salvation. When I was baptized it was not a sign showing that I was then and there saved. It was however a symbol that I had been born into a family of believers and they had decided to raise me up in the right way. Pastor Gerald Erffmeyer of Orland Park CRC in Illinois always says before he baptizes a child "this water doesn't do anything special, it's a symbol." So why then should we associate the CRC concept of Baptism with that of the Roman Catholic Church, when in the Roman Catholic Church it is clear that they believe that baptism is necessary for one to be saved. Yet, give a disclaimer that it is possible to be saved and not baptized. They are back tracking on themselves, as they have done time and time again. To a Catholic John 3 verse 5 signifies that one must be baptized to be saved. It's clear when you exegete the passage thoroughly that Jesus has yet to speak of Baptism in his discussion with Niccodemus. In fact to a Jew the birth in Water is that of a physical Birth, not a baptism. Therefore when Jesus says one must be born of the Spirit and of water he is saying that without the idea of being Born again, born into the Family of God that is only due to a faith in Christ as Savior and LORD, one is not in a place where they can enter the kingdom of God. The passage doesn't even contain the word Baptizo. In fact the Greek word used in the passage for Born/Birth, is the idea of bringing one into his way of thinking, or to convert someone. The passage is mute on the idea of Baptism.
Then going to the next biggest passage on baptism, in fact the only one that I can see makes the statement that Baptism is necessary for Salvation, is First Peter 3 verse 21 which Reads "Corresponding to that, baptism now saves you, not the removal of dirt form the flesh, but an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ" As a good student of the Bible one must ask Corresponding to what? I believe that It goes all the way back up to Verse 18. We have the idea of Baptism in relation to the Suffering that Christ went through, yet the Joy of his resurrection. The word here is often defined as one being baptized into the same afflictions. Or submerged into afflictions that were patterned after Jesus'. Or even to be overwhelmed in those afflictions. The word of water here is literal! Only either people were saved from the Flood, only either didn't drown in the water. It is not about baptism! It is about enduring through affliction it's about suffering and how we can have life in Christ through it and through him Get through it!
So is baptism necessary for ones salvation? If even the Catholic Church won't make this an Ultimatum then we can discard the idea. Yet that is what the Catholic Idea of Baptism is. While I disagree on the idea of Covenant theology the idea of baptism is the same. A child who is dedicated or Baptized is one who is being promised by his parents and his church that they will do their best to show him God so that one day the child may confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.
Further, I daresay that the CRC needs to distance itself from the Roman Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is a "Jesus and" type of Church. One must be baptized, one must go to confession, one must take the Eucharist, and one must make penance for their sins. It seemingly says that we have to earn our salvation, or at least that we have to do things in order to say "See Jesus! I found you and then I was Good enough!" Yet Scripture teaches the opposite, it teaches that we get to say to people "I found Jesus, Received salvation and will enter into Eternal Paradise in spite of the fact that I'm not good enough nor will I ever be! Instead it is because of the Power, authority and Grace of God!"
I'm not saying that every Catholic isn't Saved, in fact I know many that do not know that in the doctrines of that Church these things are required for one to enter paradise, but what I am saying is this, the CRC which is based on the Scriptures and the teachers of those, not those of the Saints or of the Father (though they are highly regarded when they themselves were taught using scripture as guide and reason). I think it is a terrible idea to link the two Churches baptism. I think also that the CRC must look at the various doctrines of the Catholic church and make statements that proclaim them wrong, because some of them are.
I hope that the various Scriptures I discussed and the words themselves will help to see that, despite the idea's of pedobaptism or Believers Baptism, that linking the Protestant baptism to the of the Roman Catholic Church is an out right impossibility without one rewriting what it's baptism means.
Thank you for your time,
Bryce Gross
(Sources for CRC standpoints were taken from the Heidelberg Catechism. Those for the Catholic position were from www.catholic.com/library/necessity_of_baptism.asp)
I was born into the Christian Reformed Church and baptized as an infant, yet I can now say that that baptism was a promised from my parents that they would raise me in a manor pleasing to the Lord as well as that the Church would help out in that regard. However, through my own study and education I have come to see that in scripture the idea of infant baptism is invisible. Every baptism that was done by either John the Baptist or through one of the Apostles was to someone that was coming in Repentance, to John the Baptist, or to commit themselves to Christ. John the Baptist himself speaks of the fact that his baptism is less than that of the Christ will bring, saying "As for me, I baptize you with water for repentance, but He who is coming after me is mighteier than I, and I am not fit to removie HIs sandals He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and Fire." (Matt. 3:11, Mark 1:8, Luke 3:16 and John 1:26) Even speaking in regards to John's baptism it is one of repentance and an infant cannot repent of anything for they have no knowledge that they have done wrong. Though my intent is not to criticize pedobaptism I feel there is no choice but to speak to what the Bible speaks about when it discusses Baptism itself. Again we do not see in the New Testament anywhere where baptism is done to someone that has not Confessed Jesus as Lord and Savior, Acts 19:3,4 talks about the fact that those that were Baptized into the baptism of John still needed to be under the Baptism of Jesus. Earlier in Acts we see that the Jailer that was brought to Christ was baptized after the fact (Acts 16:33), and yes the verse concludes with the phrase "and all his household" yet we see no evidence that this is done for any that were not converted. Again in Acts 8:37 and 38 we see that Philip baptizes the Ethiopian Eunich after he has received the Gospel and Grace of God. In fact in that Passage the Ethiopian says first " I blieve that Jesus Christ is the Son of God." He makes a proclamation of the deity of Christ, that He is in fact the Christ, and a personal belief in Jesus BEFORE being Baptized. (Philip actually requires this confession before he will baptize the man.) In Romans 6:4 Paul speaks of Baptism as a symbol of being buried with Christ and being raised in Christ's resurrection into New Life. Colossians 2 verse 12 carries this same idea.
Looking at those texts alone we have to come to the conclusion that baptism is for those that have a belief in Jesus Christ. Now, like I said before I do not wish to make this about pedobaptism but those points, I feel, must be made in order to properly refute the idea that the CRC should allow the baptism of it's Church to be viewed as the same as that of the Catholic Church.
One quick side bar on the topic, in study of the Greek work baptizo three definitions come into play the first two being that of submerging something to clean it or to repeatedly do it for another reason. But a third definition is there also which is to overwhelm. If Jesus' baptism is that of the Spirit, the image is true to the Submerging of a believer into the Spirit, but also the fact that the believer would be Over Whelmed by the Spirit. Another thing that cannot happen without that person coming to a true Faith in Christ.
After looking at CRC doctrine of Baptism, and that of the Roman Catholic Church it is clear that the two carry different ideas of what baptism is in the life of a believer. Though apparent differences in my own Dispensational theology to that of the Covenant theology of the CRC, I want to still say this; according to the Westminster Catechism baptism is a sign of the Covenant, not salvation. When I was baptized it was not a sign showing that I was then and there saved. It was however a symbol that I had been born into a family of believers and they had decided to raise me up in the right way. Pastor Gerald Erffmeyer of Orland Park CRC in Illinois always says before he baptizes a child "this water doesn't do anything special, it's a symbol." So why then should we associate the CRC concept of Baptism with that of the Roman Catholic Church, when in the Roman Catholic Church it is clear that they believe that baptism is necessary for one to be saved. Yet, give a disclaimer that it is possible to be saved and not baptized. They are back tracking on themselves, as they have done time and time again. To a Catholic John 3 verse 5 signifies that one must be baptized to be saved. It's clear when you exegete the passage thoroughly that Jesus has yet to speak of Baptism in his discussion with Niccodemus. In fact to a Jew the birth in Water is that of a physical Birth, not a baptism. Therefore when Jesus says one must be born of the Spirit and of water he is saying that without the idea of being Born again, born into the Family of God that is only due to a faith in Christ as Savior and LORD, one is not in a place where they can enter the kingdom of God. The passage doesn't even contain the word Baptizo. In fact the Greek word used in the passage for Born/Birth, is the idea of bringing one into his way of thinking, or to convert someone. The passage is mute on the idea of Baptism.
Then going to the next biggest passage on baptism, in fact the only one that I can see makes the statement that Baptism is necessary for Salvation, is First Peter 3 verse 21 which Reads "Corresponding to that, baptism now saves you, not the removal of dirt form the flesh, but an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ" As a good student of the Bible one must ask Corresponding to what? I believe that It goes all the way back up to Verse 18. We have the idea of Baptism in relation to the Suffering that Christ went through, yet the Joy of his resurrection. The word here is often defined as one being baptized into the same afflictions. Or submerged into afflictions that were patterned after Jesus'. Or even to be overwhelmed in those afflictions. The word of water here is literal! Only either people were saved from the Flood, only either didn't drown in the water. It is not about baptism! It is about enduring through affliction it's about suffering and how we can have life in Christ through it and through him Get through it!
So is baptism necessary for ones salvation? If even the Catholic Church won't make this an Ultimatum then we can discard the idea. Yet that is what the Catholic Idea of Baptism is. While I disagree on the idea of Covenant theology the idea of baptism is the same. A child who is dedicated or Baptized is one who is being promised by his parents and his church that they will do their best to show him God so that one day the child may confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.
Further, I daresay that the CRC needs to distance itself from the Roman Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is a "Jesus and" type of Church. One must be baptized, one must go to confession, one must take the Eucharist, and one must make penance for their sins. It seemingly says that we have to earn our salvation, or at least that we have to do things in order to say "See Jesus! I found you and then I was Good enough!" Yet Scripture teaches the opposite, it teaches that we get to say to people "I found Jesus, Received salvation and will enter into Eternal Paradise in spite of the fact that I'm not good enough nor will I ever be! Instead it is because of the Power, authority and Grace of God!"
I'm not saying that every Catholic isn't Saved, in fact I know many that do not know that in the doctrines of that Church these things are required for one to enter paradise, but what I am saying is this, the CRC which is based on the Scriptures and the teachers of those, not those of the Saints or of the Father (though they are highly regarded when they themselves were taught using scripture as guide and reason). I think it is a terrible idea to link the two Churches baptism. I think also that the CRC must look at the various doctrines of the Catholic church and make statements that proclaim them wrong, because some of them are.
I hope that the various Scriptures I discussed and the words themselves will help to see that, despite the idea's of pedobaptism or Believers Baptism, that linking the Protestant baptism to the of the Roman Catholic Church is an out right impossibility without one rewriting what it's baptism means.
Thank you for your time,
Bryce Gross
(Sources for CRC standpoints were taken from the Heidelberg Catechism. Those for the Catholic position were from www.catholic.com/library/necessity_of_baptism.asp)
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Old or New
"there fore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come" -- 2 Corinthians 5:17
Old and New. Two opposites that seem to dictate the other. We find remakes of cars that are considered Old and Classic, that in fact are nothing like them and often either they are loved as much or hated so much more. For Instance the Classic GTO compared to the GTO that came out years ago, many would consider the new Model a fail, particularly because it had none of the classic car feel to it. However, we find the New Chargers are a model of car that has exploded onto the scene, and actually offers very little of that Classic feel. To some keeping that feel that look, that line of thinking is exactly what is necessary for the new Car to represent the old respectfully and fully.
So what of us? What of people?
We are new creations after we are redeemed, new people, with a new life, a renewed soul and spirit. Our hearts are changed, and our minds should be renewed. But sometimes. . . they're not.
Sometimes we hang on to the old, cling to it, we refer to ourselves as a new creation surely, yet we don't do much of anything that is new. When we think new, we instantly think better. If someone comes to you and says "Hey check out this new computer I got" and he brings out a home computer from the 80's, you are going to laugh. But if Steve Jobs comes out and says Look at this new Computer! You'd surely get excited for the new design, programs, processing, and all the new and better abilities of this new model compared to the old.
However, as people we often try to keep the old, and the new.
We want to be that new creation that Christ has allowed us to be, that the Spirit is enabling us to be, yet we hang on to things from our old creation that aren't a part of the new one. Sometimes it's friends, or habits, and others it's beliefs about ourselves. I have to say, that that last bit is the hardest thing I have had to deal with since fully surrendering myself to Christ. It's hard for me to admit it sometimes, but I rarely look at myself as the new creation that I am.
I see the screw up, the one who isn't good at much of anything, the one that gets forgotten, left behind, the one that can't keep up, and the one that continues to fail time and time again. I see the guy that people didn't wanna be around, the crude, crass, brutally honest guy that didn't care about how someone felt.
What I don't often see, is the caring, compassionate, passionate man that I've become. I rarely see the one that can succeed, the one that people rely on, and the one that loves to help people.
Why is that? Why do I only seem to remember the Bad??
Because it's something that I haven't been able to let go. Maybe for lack of understanding, but that inability to let go has done something over time that hasn't been well for me. It's made me repeat mistakes over and over again, it's caused me to falter, misstep, and fall time and time again.
When we refuse to let go of the Old parts of us, we can't fully grasp the new.
We are never going to be able to avoid falling in a hole, if we never take a different path.
We can't get past our past, if we still bring it with us in the form of friends.
That's hard.
That's uncomfortable. . .
Yet it's the truth. I speak from experience. I speak from Reason. It just makes sense.
I've battled myself for a long time on if I can keep part of my Old creation within me, within this new Creation that I've become. And I've come to realize that I can't.
Paul says it best I think:
Old and New. Two opposites that seem to dictate the other. We find remakes of cars that are considered Old and Classic, that in fact are nothing like them and often either they are loved as much or hated so much more. For Instance the Classic GTO compared to the GTO that came out years ago, many would consider the new Model a fail, particularly because it had none of the classic car feel to it. However, we find the New Chargers are a model of car that has exploded onto the scene, and actually offers very little of that Classic feel. To some keeping that feel that look, that line of thinking is exactly what is necessary for the new Car to represent the old respectfully and fully.
So what of us? What of people?
We are new creations after we are redeemed, new people, with a new life, a renewed soul and spirit. Our hearts are changed, and our minds should be renewed. But sometimes. . . they're not.
Sometimes we hang on to the old, cling to it, we refer to ourselves as a new creation surely, yet we don't do much of anything that is new. When we think new, we instantly think better. If someone comes to you and says "Hey check out this new computer I got" and he brings out a home computer from the 80's, you are going to laugh. But if Steve Jobs comes out and says Look at this new Computer! You'd surely get excited for the new design, programs, processing, and all the new and better abilities of this new model compared to the old.
However, as people we often try to keep the old, and the new.
We want to be that new creation that Christ has allowed us to be, that the Spirit is enabling us to be, yet we hang on to things from our old creation that aren't a part of the new one. Sometimes it's friends, or habits, and others it's beliefs about ourselves. I have to say, that that last bit is the hardest thing I have had to deal with since fully surrendering myself to Christ. It's hard for me to admit it sometimes, but I rarely look at myself as the new creation that I am.
I see the screw up, the one who isn't good at much of anything, the one that gets forgotten, left behind, the one that can't keep up, and the one that continues to fail time and time again. I see the guy that people didn't wanna be around, the crude, crass, brutally honest guy that didn't care about how someone felt.
What I don't often see, is the caring, compassionate, passionate man that I've become. I rarely see the one that can succeed, the one that people rely on, and the one that loves to help people.
Why is that? Why do I only seem to remember the Bad??
Because it's something that I haven't been able to let go. Maybe for lack of understanding, but that inability to let go has done something over time that hasn't been well for me. It's made me repeat mistakes over and over again, it's caused me to falter, misstep, and fall time and time again.
When we refuse to let go of the Old parts of us, we can't fully grasp the new.
We are never going to be able to avoid falling in a hole, if we never take a different path.
We can't get past our past, if we still bring it with us in the form of friends.
That's hard.
That's uncomfortable. . .
Yet it's the truth. I speak from experience. I speak from Reason. It just makes sense.
I've battled myself for a long time on if I can keep part of my Old creation within me, within this new Creation that I've become. And I've come to realize that I can't.
Paul says it best I think:
" Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." -- Colossians 3:5-10
And he does it again in Romans 8 when he says that we are to put to death the ways of old.
It sucks sometimes to do what we have to do to get better. When sick we don't reuse the same old toothbrush and expect to get better do we? We don't go outside when it's cold with very little warm clothes and assume that we're going to get over the sickness inside us? Nor do we assume that if we don't put suntan lotion on we won't burn more than we already have in the summer do we?
No. It's common sense. So then as much as it is difficult it is common sense. And it's hard! Incredibly hard to distance yourself from people you know you must distance yourself with. To put limitations on yourself based on the past and how it'll effect the future. But it's what's best.
Christ never said it was Easy, he Never said it wouldn't leave scars. But he did say that It's what is going to be best.
Hebrews says that God has done good with everything he's done to us.
That simple truth is the only thing that keeps me on the way to forgetting the way I thought about myself in my old creation, and keeps me focusing on myself in the New.
Try it. See what it does. See how you change. I promise it will be one of the best choices you make.
It sucks sometimes to do what we have to do to get better. When sick we don't reuse the same old toothbrush and expect to get better do we? We don't go outside when it's cold with very little warm clothes and assume that we're going to get over the sickness inside us? Nor do we assume that if we don't put suntan lotion on we won't burn more than we already have in the summer do we?
No. It's common sense. So then as much as it is difficult it is common sense. And it's hard! Incredibly hard to distance yourself from people you know you must distance yourself with. To put limitations on yourself based on the past and how it'll effect the future. But it's what's best.
Christ never said it was Easy, he Never said it wouldn't leave scars. But he did say that It's what is going to be best.
Hebrews says that God has done good with everything he's done to us.
That simple truth is the only thing that keeps me on the way to forgetting the way I thought about myself in my old creation, and keeps me focusing on myself in the New.
Try it. See what it does. See how you change. I promise it will be one of the best choices you make.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Way to overdue
Over the past few months, coming back to almost a year now, I have felt like I am in a constant state of upheaval. Nothing has gone as it was desired, and I let things that were important to me slip away. Oh the things we lose to depression. Desire to do what we love, the ability to stand for ourselves, and often to even see the good things going on in our lives. I've spent time in the word, though admittedly not nearly enough. Hear and there I'd find a psalm or passage to focus on, I'd latch to it for a week then, forget about it. Twice I memorized passages in an attempt to pull them to mind when the time called for a battle, and I lost them. They weren't needed and I didn't practice. It was a defeat I brought to myself because when I did need them, they weren't there at my fingertips to use.
It's been crazy. School is harder than ever, and I'm less motivated than ever. Working out used to be a thing that I loved to do, now it's hard to even want to make time for it. I'm disconnected with the church I attend, typically because I find myself over sleeping, and then blaming the disconnect on the my inability to come to most church functions due to being away at school (26 miles isn't away.) I seldom throw myself into my home work, papers, tests what ever. And most often find myself throwing myself into my bed, or the car. I work just fine, though I've given away too many shifts for my liking, and for the liking of my bank accounts. I've turned apathetic to most things, and the hardest part about it is that I dont know when this Funk is going to end. I have a difficult time calling it a funk, a funk is . . idk a few weeks of being in a lil mess, this has been over a year. There's been some things that have been catalysts to it, if you know me you know them also. But it's the little things.
The little things that drive me crazy, and the little things that make me smile. A text from a friend. A random gift, hug, smile, what ever. A good grade, a good day. A day where i wake up thankful for waking up, is a day that I know I'm going to enjoy. I used to take great pride in things like work, and working out, and the like. Now? I'm content, dare I say complacent. Well the fact is I hate where I am, I hate who I am being at this moment, pretending to be more like, and this Complacency is fake. My enemy has decided to get me to a point where I want to do nothing. He wants me to make me lazy, Un effective.
My enemy isn't physical, no it is deeper than flesh and blood. It's the sin nature with in myself, at least in part. More so it is my belief that it is the Enemy that all Christians face at one point in time or another, the Devil, the Deceiver, the Liar, Satan. That angel that felt he deserved glory. The Fool who thought he deserved Glory. How simple it is for him to convince us of the same fallacy. That we deserve Glory. Hes the enemy of Enemies, the worst of them, the one that we must wage war with, or at least must Let Christ wage a war within us against him.
A Psalm that I found, that centered my mind and heart on this truth, that he is the enemy I have been fighting lately, is Psalm 13. Granted the enemies that David is speaking of are physical enemies, either the philistines or those sent after him from Saul. But no less, so often in the Psalms we see something that rings true for us in today's world, and often see the Spiritual aspects to the earthly problems that the Psalmists wrote of.
"How long O lord? Will you forget me forever? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me. Consider and answer me O lord my God light up my eyes, lest i sleep the sleep of Death, lest my enemy say I have prevailed over him, lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. But I have trusted in your steadfast Love and my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD because he has dealt bountifully with me" Psalm 13:1-6
I felt for so long that the LORD abandoned me, that he didn't forget me that he just saw what I saw, that it wasn't going to work, that I wasn't going to do anything worth while, so he gave up. It's like just dropping a project int he middle of the effort. Thats what I felt was happening. It was foolish of me to think so, he's done too much in my life to put me where he wants me, some painful, some delightful. But all good, as it says in Hebrews 6 God has done everything for the betterment of his people. He never looked away from me, It was I who looked from him. I started to take counsel in my own soul and thus brought the more problems. The enemy has kept my head down too long, self centered and self focused, and I've been aiming for a chance to force my eyes up, to get them lifted up so i can once again see the Glory of God played out in my life.
I started to heed this writers advice, along with the writer of Psalm 77, and started to look into the good that God has done and trust in what I know he's done for me before. Where he's brought me, to whom, with whom, with what, how, every detail I could remember I tried to recall so that I could see that today is not a waist and tomorrow is a gift i should pray would come quickly and pass slowly. It has been a difficult time, a difficult task as well into figuring out what I'm to do now. I'm still down in the dumps so to speak, still depressed and over anxious about many things going on right now. But for the first time in a while I'm excited for the future, for the places he's going to bring me. It's going to be a good ride.
I'll finish with two more verses of a Psalm. Psalm 37:4 - 5
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will five you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD trust in him and he will act."
Didn't take me too long to figure out the secret. Of course it's all in accordance to his will, but the fact is, that I wasn't delighting in the LORD nor was i truly committing my way to him at least not joyfully, I guess it's time for it to happen. That's the change I'm making, and Oh what a difference it's made.
He is Great, mighty, beautifully strong, and Loving. Truth is, that's about all I need.
It's been crazy. School is harder than ever, and I'm less motivated than ever. Working out used to be a thing that I loved to do, now it's hard to even want to make time for it. I'm disconnected with the church I attend, typically because I find myself over sleeping, and then blaming the disconnect on the my inability to come to most church functions due to being away at school (26 miles isn't away.) I seldom throw myself into my home work, papers, tests what ever. And most often find myself throwing myself into my bed, or the car. I work just fine, though I've given away too many shifts for my liking, and for the liking of my bank accounts. I've turned apathetic to most things, and the hardest part about it is that I dont know when this Funk is going to end. I have a difficult time calling it a funk, a funk is . . idk a few weeks of being in a lil mess, this has been over a year. There's been some things that have been catalysts to it, if you know me you know them also. But it's the little things.
The little things that drive me crazy, and the little things that make me smile. A text from a friend. A random gift, hug, smile, what ever. A good grade, a good day. A day where i wake up thankful for waking up, is a day that I know I'm going to enjoy. I used to take great pride in things like work, and working out, and the like. Now? I'm content, dare I say complacent. Well the fact is I hate where I am, I hate who I am being at this moment, pretending to be more like, and this Complacency is fake. My enemy has decided to get me to a point where I want to do nothing. He wants me to make me lazy, Un effective.
My enemy isn't physical, no it is deeper than flesh and blood. It's the sin nature with in myself, at least in part. More so it is my belief that it is the Enemy that all Christians face at one point in time or another, the Devil, the Deceiver, the Liar, Satan. That angel that felt he deserved glory. The Fool who thought he deserved Glory. How simple it is for him to convince us of the same fallacy. That we deserve Glory. Hes the enemy of Enemies, the worst of them, the one that we must wage war with, or at least must Let Christ wage a war within us against him.
A Psalm that I found, that centered my mind and heart on this truth, that he is the enemy I have been fighting lately, is Psalm 13. Granted the enemies that David is speaking of are physical enemies, either the philistines or those sent after him from Saul. But no less, so often in the Psalms we see something that rings true for us in today's world, and often see the Spiritual aspects to the earthly problems that the Psalmists wrote of.
"How long O lord? Will you forget me forever? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me. Consider and answer me O lord my God light up my eyes, lest i sleep the sleep of Death, lest my enemy say I have prevailed over him, lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. But I have trusted in your steadfast Love and my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD because he has dealt bountifully with me" Psalm 13:1-6
I felt for so long that the LORD abandoned me, that he didn't forget me that he just saw what I saw, that it wasn't going to work, that I wasn't going to do anything worth while, so he gave up. It's like just dropping a project int he middle of the effort. Thats what I felt was happening. It was foolish of me to think so, he's done too much in my life to put me where he wants me, some painful, some delightful. But all good, as it says in Hebrews 6 God has done everything for the betterment of his people. He never looked away from me, It was I who looked from him. I started to take counsel in my own soul and thus brought the more problems. The enemy has kept my head down too long, self centered and self focused, and I've been aiming for a chance to force my eyes up, to get them lifted up so i can once again see the Glory of God played out in my life.
I started to heed this writers advice, along with the writer of Psalm 77, and started to look into the good that God has done and trust in what I know he's done for me before. Where he's brought me, to whom, with whom, with what, how, every detail I could remember I tried to recall so that I could see that today is not a waist and tomorrow is a gift i should pray would come quickly and pass slowly. It has been a difficult time, a difficult task as well into figuring out what I'm to do now. I'm still down in the dumps so to speak, still depressed and over anxious about many things going on right now. But for the first time in a while I'm excited for the future, for the places he's going to bring me. It's going to be a good ride.
I'll finish with two more verses of a Psalm. Psalm 37:4 - 5
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will five you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD trust in him and he will act."
Didn't take me too long to figure out the secret. Of course it's all in accordance to his will, but the fact is, that I wasn't delighting in the LORD nor was i truly committing my way to him at least not joyfully, I guess it's time for it to happen. That's the change I'm making, and Oh what a difference it's made.
He is Great, mighty, beautifully strong, and Loving. Truth is, that's about all I need.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Psalm 23:1-3
I was trying to think of what to write and I just kept coming back to Psalm 23, and I don't know that I'll get through all of it, maybe in verses, yea I'll do that. I want to relate this to me though, to give just a little more incite as to where I am because, well the Lord has put me on a journey that is scaring me, breaking me, and rebuilding me. It's a trip and I love it, even though at times I get angry with Him and want to just move on. However, lately I've been coming back to this Psalm. Reciting it, Praying it, and studying it. And I think it's about time I share a little bit of that information, even to those tho know it because we all need reminders sometimes.
Psalm 23:1 "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall Not want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside quiet waters. 3 He Restores my soul; he guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
The first thing I notice when I see this grouping of Verses is the it is the LORD who is the shepherd, not Lord, or God or any other name but it is YHWH that is the shepherd. For a believer that helps me connect with Jesus' statement "I am the good shepherd" right away. I connect that the LORD is the Good Shepherd as well. It's a total thing, it's not just the Physical Jesus or the Spirit but it is the Father as well, it's the whole trinity that is the Shepherd for the people. I think about what a shepherd is, how he cares for His flock, meets all their needs for them and how even rewards them. He does what is best for them.
Sheep are dumb, plain and simple they're dumb. They wander away, they sometimes have to have help getting up from their sleep because they can't roll over properly, they're stupid. The Shepherd has a job of watching over stupid animals, it's hard he has to walk a lot during the day, chase down sheep that run away, he has to fight off wolves and in the case of David lions and bears! But he is always willing to lay down his life for his sheep. That brings us a tad away from the Psalm and into Jesus' statement but we need to recognize our need for someone like that. Our need for someone to protect us, to watch over us, bring us to where we can eat and drink so that we will want for nothing.
A sheep had it's needs met. They didn't really need a whole lot; rest, water, food and that was about it. "I shall not want" the Psalmist says, because he knows that the LORD will meet all his needs. He will be safe, and rested, and fed. He might even get a reward or two. He'll often get extra. See a shepherd wouldn't take his sheep where there was barely enough to eat, or drink no he took them where there was plenty of water and grass for them to graze because his job was to take care of them. He brought them to green pastures, and still waters. He let them eat, and drink, and rest. The word David uses that we translate restore, means to turn back. To return to. He restores my soul the psalm reads but to one who knew the language they might see it as, he causes my soul to return to Him! How brilliant. The Shepherd, the LORD causes the soul of His sheep to return to Him. To turn back to Him. He wins them over! He does what they need, he provides for them and He gets them to turn back to Him in their Souls!
Look at what immediately follows that phrase about restoring their souls, "He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake." So he turns their souls back to Him and then He guides them in the paths of Righteousness. Once He wins them back and turns their souls back to Him, he then leads them. He doesn't desert them, or let them figure out themselves he guides them. He walks with them! As a shepherd would do. He leads them on the path of righteousness, he leads them the right way, the best way! Not always the least difficult way, but the best way. And it's for His name that he does it. He does it so that those he leads would praise his name, that they would know it was him that was doing it. He doesn't do it because He has to, but because He desires us to turn to him and walk with him. See a good shepherd loved his sheep, I can say that because they were willing to die for their sheep. They wanted the best for them, and they did what was right. It often brought them more work, and certainly the faith of more people to trust him with their sheep.
So that's what I see when I see those three verses. I see a lot about God's goodness, provision and who he is. But how, in my current condition does that relate.
Well, I know that Jesus is my shepherd he wants what's best for me, and he's going to do what's best for me. He laid down his life for me, why would He stop doing what's best now? And along with that I know his consistency is unprecedented, He's never failed so why would He now. I see that He gives me the things I need, the things that are going to fill me up and I need. He gives me peace and rest even though I'm not seeing it at the moment. For Me it's something I'm looking forward to. The psalm says he leads me, that involves some travel, some distance to be covered before that rest and replenishment comes.
I believe I'm in that journey Now. That the Lord is taking me on the best way, I've recent been in that point of peace and rest and Now I believe that I'm traveling again, the best way and not the easiest way. There's perils and the like but nothing that is going to destroy me. I'll overcome it all because the Shepherd is leading me in the right way. I like how quickly the psalm turns from that picture of returning the soul of the followers back to God, because often we become embittered toward God on that journey, and then when we see the place he was leading us to we turn around and return to him, it's not that we wandered away it's that possibly we were just about to leave because it was tough. We're mad at God for making us go through what it is went through, a death, sickness, break up, school or w/e it is that we had to journey through. But for me, i see the Promise of being restored, of being refreshed, and replenished. I see the promise that God is doing this so that I'll give him the glory in the end, and noone else. Not myself, but Him. Because it's in his name's sake that I'm going through this, and that I'm going to be refueled when I arrive wherever it is he's taking me.
A shepherd brought his sheep to where it was best for them, sometimes to get them to go he had to discipline them and force them to not be able to wander away from where they were going, but he always had their best intentions in mind. For me, I see Him having done that, and doing it more and more. But I know that he's going to lead me to a place where it's better than where I've been before. I'm along for the Trip as for now, looking forward to the promise of still waters and quiet pastures. The journey may be difficult but the fact is, the end result is promised to be worth the Trip.
Psalm 23:1 "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall Not want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside quiet waters. 3 He Restores my soul; he guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
The first thing I notice when I see this grouping of Verses is the it is the LORD who is the shepherd, not Lord, or God or any other name but it is YHWH that is the shepherd. For a believer that helps me connect with Jesus' statement "I am the good shepherd" right away. I connect that the LORD is the Good Shepherd as well. It's a total thing, it's not just the Physical Jesus or the Spirit but it is the Father as well, it's the whole trinity that is the Shepherd for the people. I think about what a shepherd is, how he cares for His flock, meets all their needs for them and how even rewards them. He does what is best for them.
Sheep are dumb, plain and simple they're dumb. They wander away, they sometimes have to have help getting up from their sleep because they can't roll over properly, they're stupid. The Shepherd has a job of watching over stupid animals, it's hard he has to walk a lot during the day, chase down sheep that run away, he has to fight off wolves and in the case of David lions and bears! But he is always willing to lay down his life for his sheep. That brings us a tad away from the Psalm and into Jesus' statement but we need to recognize our need for someone like that. Our need for someone to protect us, to watch over us, bring us to where we can eat and drink so that we will want for nothing.
A sheep had it's needs met. They didn't really need a whole lot; rest, water, food and that was about it. "I shall not want" the Psalmist says, because he knows that the LORD will meet all his needs. He will be safe, and rested, and fed. He might even get a reward or two. He'll often get extra. See a shepherd wouldn't take his sheep where there was barely enough to eat, or drink no he took them where there was plenty of water and grass for them to graze because his job was to take care of them. He brought them to green pastures, and still waters. He let them eat, and drink, and rest. The word David uses that we translate restore, means to turn back. To return to. He restores my soul the psalm reads but to one who knew the language they might see it as, he causes my soul to return to Him! How brilliant. The Shepherd, the LORD causes the soul of His sheep to return to Him. To turn back to Him. He wins them over! He does what they need, he provides for them and He gets them to turn back to Him in their Souls!
Look at what immediately follows that phrase about restoring their souls, "He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake." So he turns their souls back to Him and then He guides them in the paths of Righteousness. Once He wins them back and turns their souls back to Him, he then leads them. He doesn't desert them, or let them figure out themselves he guides them. He walks with them! As a shepherd would do. He leads them on the path of righteousness, he leads them the right way, the best way! Not always the least difficult way, but the best way. And it's for His name that he does it. He does it so that those he leads would praise his name, that they would know it was him that was doing it. He doesn't do it because He has to, but because He desires us to turn to him and walk with him. See a good shepherd loved his sheep, I can say that because they were willing to die for their sheep. They wanted the best for them, and they did what was right. It often brought them more work, and certainly the faith of more people to trust him with their sheep.
So that's what I see when I see those three verses. I see a lot about God's goodness, provision and who he is. But how, in my current condition does that relate.
Well, I know that Jesus is my shepherd he wants what's best for me, and he's going to do what's best for me. He laid down his life for me, why would He stop doing what's best now? And along with that I know his consistency is unprecedented, He's never failed so why would He now. I see that He gives me the things I need, the things that are going to fill me up and I need. He gives me peace and rest even though I'm not seeing it at the moment. For Me it's something I'm looking forward to. The psalm says he leads me, that involves some travel, some distance to be covered before that rest and replenishment comes.
I believe I'm in that journey Now. That the Lord is taking me on the best way, I've recent been in that point of peace and rest and Now I believe that I'm traveling again, the best way and not the easiest way. There's perils and the like but nothing that is going to destroy me. I'll overcome it all because the Shepherd is leading me in the right way. I like how quickly the psalm turns from that picture of returning the soul of the followers back to God, because often we become embittered toward God on that journey, and then when we see the place he was leading us to we turn around and return to him, it's not that we wandered away it's that possibly we were just about to leave because it was tough. We're mad at God for making us go through what it is went through, a death, sickness, break up, school or w/e it is that we had to journey through. But for me, i see the Promise of being restored, of being refreshed, and replenished. I see the promise that God is doing this so that I'll give him the glory in the end, and noone else. Not myself, but Him. Because it's in his name's sake that I'm going through this, and that I'm going to be refueled when I arrive wherever it is he's taking me.
A shepherd brought his sheep to where it was best for them, sometimes to get them to go he had to discipline them and force them to not be able to wander away from where they were going, but he always had their best intentions in mind. For me, I see Him having done that, and doing it more and more. But I know that he's going to lead me to a place where it's better than where I've been before. I'm along for the Trip as for now, looking forward to the promise of still waters and quiet pastures. The journey may be difficult but the fact is, the end result is promised to be worth the Trip.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Soul Searching.
Lately things have been incredibly difficult for me. Classes, work, working out, when I'm at school I wanna be home, and when I'm home I want to get outa the state. It's been progressively worse even though at times I feel better. it's far more often that I have the urge to get away from everything that's been plaguing my mind.
I feel like I've been under attack since the school year started, peace has all but alluded me, and Joy well more often than not it's forced. I pray and read, though more prayer than reading much to my own disappointment, and yet I feel as if my prayers hit the ceiling and come back and pierce me like a knife. It's like I'm running in place. I feel empty, unfulfilled. I confess my sin and pray for change. I renounce the evil things that are inside of me, and yet I feel no relief. I believe I've truly given these things over to the Lord, and yet don't feel as though He is taking them from me.
I know that I'll never be given more than I can handle, but maybe He's overestimated me. Or I'm underestimating myself. . . not sure which one. A lot of the things going on and through my mind have to do with certain situations that have come about and loss of relationships, and strains on other ones, and yet I don't feel this is the core. I feel utterly alone, almost all the time. Even with my best friends around me, I feel alone. I'm the scapegoat, the target, the fool. I'm the accessory that's not needed, and only there because of convenience. I've felt that for a long long time. Deserted. Abandoned. Forgotten. Alone. It's something I've grown used to, but being used to something being there, doesn't mean I still don't hate it with all I have. And I do. Perhaps It's my end to be alone. To go through this time alone and figure something out, something that will enable me to come out on top later when there isn't a way for me to do so. or maybe it's so that I can influence someone else. I don't know. All I know is. I'm tired of it.
So here's to my hope that my prayers reach the Fathers ears and that he takes care of all my needs and brings me peace for longer than a day. To joy that isn't forces. And happiness that's not based in relationship. Hope it works, He is good so. Just waiting to see.
I feel like I've been under attack since the school year started, peace has all but alluded me, and Joy well more often than not it's forced. I pray and read, though more prayer than reading much to my own disappointment, and yet I feel as if my prayers hit the ceiling and come back and pierce me like a knife. It's like I'm running in place. I feel empty, unfulfilled. I confess my sin and pray for change. I renounce the evil things that are inside of me, and yet I feel no relief. I believe I've truly given these things over to the Lord, and yet don't feel as though He is taking them from me.
I know that I'll never be given more than I can handle, but maybe He's overestimated me. Or I'm underestimating myself. . . not sure which one. A lot of the things going on and through my mind have to do with certain situations that have come about and loss of relationships, and strains on other ones, and yet I don't feel this is the core. I feel utterly alone, almost all the time. Even with my best friends around me, I feel alone. I'm the scapegoat, the target, the fool. I'm the accessory that's not needed, and only there because of convenience. I've felt that for a long long time. Deserted. Abandoned. Forgotten. Alone. It's something I've grown used to, but being used to something being there, doesn't mean I still don't hate it with all I have. And I do. Perhaps It's my end to be alone. To go through this time alone and figure something out, something that will enable me to come out on top later when there isn't a way for me to do so. or maybe it's so that I can influence someone else. I don't know. All I know is. I'm tired of it.
So here's to my hope that my prayers reach the Fathers ears and that he takes care of all my needs and brings me peace for longer than a day. To joy that isn't forces. And happiness that's not based in relationship. Hope it works, He is good so. Just waiting to see.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Running
I've been running a lot lately. Last week everyday I was up at 5 am, which resulted in me being in the gym at 6am and working out before breakfast and class all before 8. It felt good to get in the weight room, to get on the treadmill and to run especially. I haven't run in a long while. I usually swim or bike or something else other than run but lately I've been running.
I've always used working out to get numb in a way. To forget things, people, events, even to forget the day that lay behind me. Honestly, I work out to feel it so that I don't have as much energy and focus to think about what was going on before. It's how I cope. When fighting doesn't work, I hide. If I can't fight it anymore, if I can't get around it, If i can't go through it, I get away from it.
It's been that way lately. I fought harder than I ever have, used more energy and pushed myself but nothing happened of any good in the whole deal. I got to a point where I couldn't go another step forward. I was alone, felt abandoned even though I truly knew better, and I felt worthless, even though I know where my real worth lies. I was spent. I had nothing left.
I felt mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained. It was the internal mirror of when I was training for the twelve minute run for football at Concordia University. I had to run 7.75 laps of a quarter mile track in 12 minutes or less. It was hard! I never quite got there, but I remember that when I did my best when I ran as hard as I could for twelve minutes I could barely move. And I had fallen Short. I failed. I was stuck. I didn't end up playing football for them, I didn't even go to the school it didn't have anything to do with the run but still it was a stigma i kept with me. I couldn't do it.
That's how life has felt lately. That I can't do it. That even though I've gone through the training, and that I've had the guidance, assistance and encouragement of those around me I still failed. What's worse is looking back it feels like it was twice in a row. It happened and then I kept getting ready, I got more prepared, I got better I moved forward and then when it came to show up it bombed. I failed. Again. Nothing I could do at all. So I sat there and punched a brick wall for a while. After 2 months of progress it died out. Nothing I did worked nothing got through and I was on empty. I haven't recovered. I haven't juiced back up. I'm not ready. I'm not even close. The Lord feels distant, and it's my fault sure but fact is it's the truth. I know he's never failed me, but I feel like I've failed. I put so much into it and nothing happened. I'm still empty. I'm still fighting for something that's not there. I'm swinging blindly in the dark. I haven't learned my lesson. I can't sit and jus let it because then I have no say in the matter!
Maybe it's better that way. That i have no say in the matter. That I just stay and Hide. But is it hiding in the cowardly sense or, is it smart? Is it to rejuvenate and prepare. To game plan and get right? Is that a smart way to do it? Is that how we should do it? Should the marines chill in the building for an hour before moving through the rest of the town when they come upon something they didn't expect? If they found a tank regiment and didn't plan for it, and decided to just keep going they'd be whipped out. They would have to come up with a battle plan.
So thats where I'm going to be. Coming up with a battle plan. I'm going to fight to be in the light, I'm going to do all I can to be in the right mind and I'm going to win. End of Story. The Lord is my strength, in fact in him is where I'm going to be doing my plan. For Psalm 61:1-4 says "Hear my Cry O God; Give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint' Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever Let me take refuge in the shelter of your wings." He also tells us that we are more than conquerors in Christ. We Will Conquer! We Will Win! The Enemy doesn't get to hold on to the part of my life that he has for so long. He has no power over me and he will lose.
It's taken it's toll on me, and I'm tired sore and worn but I'll win. I just need a little rest. In the shelter of the Most High.
I've always used working out to get numb in a way. To forget things, people, events, even to forget the day that lay behind me. Honestly, I work out to feel it so that I don't have as much energy and focus to think about what was going on before. It's how I cope. When fighting doesn't work, I hide. If I can't fight it anymore, if I can't get around it, If i can't go through it, I get away from it.
It's been that way lately. I fought harder than I ever have, used more energy and pushed myself but nothing happened of any good in the whole deal. I got to a point where I couldn't go another step forward. I was alone, felt abandoned even though I truly knew better, and I felt worthless, even though I know where my real worth lies. I was spent. I had nothing left.
I felt mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained. It was the internal mirror of when I was training for the twelve minute run for football at Concordia University. I had to run 7.75 laps of a quarter mile track in 12 minutes or less. It was hard! I never quite got there, but I remember that when I did my best when I ran as hard as I could for twelve minutes I could barely move. And I had fallen Short. I failed. I was stuck. I didn't end up playing football for them, I didn't even go to the school it didn't have anything to do with the run but still it was a stigma i kept with me. I couldn't do it.
That's how life has felt lately. That I can't do it. That even though I've gone through the training, and that I've had the guidance, assistance and encouragement of those around me I still failed. What's worse is looking back it feels like it was twice in a row. It happened and then I kept getting ready, I got more prepared, I got better I moved forward and then when it came to show up it bombed. I failed. Again. Nothing I could do at all. So I sat there and punched a brick wall for a while. After 2 months of progress it died out. Nothing I did worked nothing got through and I was on empty. I haven't recovered. I haven't juiced back up. I'm not ready. I'm not even close. The Lord feels distant, and it's my fault sure but fact is it's the truth. I know he's never failed me, but I feel like I've failed. I put so much into it and nothing happened. I'm still empty. I'm still fighting for something that's not there. I'm swinging blindly in the dark. I haven't learned my lesson. I can't sit and jus let it because then I have no say in the matter!
Maybe it's better that way. That i have no say in the matter. That I just stay and Hide. But is it hiding in the cowardly sense or, is it smart? Is it to rejuvenate and prepare. To game plan and get right? Is that a smart way to do it? Is that how we should do it? Should the marines chill in the building for an hour before moving through the rest of the town when they come upon something they didn't expect? If they found a tank regiment and didn't plan for it, and decided to just keep going they'd be whipped out. They would have to come up with a battle plan.
So thats where I'm going to be. Coming up with a battle plan. I'm going to fight to be in the light, I'm going to do all I can to be in the right mind and I'm going to win. End of Story. The Lord is my strength, in fact in him is where I'm going to be doing my plan. For Psalm 61:1-4 says "Hear my Cry O God; Give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint' Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever Let me take refuge in the shelter of your wings." He also tells us that we are more than conquerors in Christ. We Will Conquer! We Will Win! The Enemy doesn't get to hold on to the part of my life that he has for so long. He has no power over me and he will lose.
It's taken it's toll on me, and I'm tired sore and worn but I'll win. I just need a little rest. In the shelter of the Most High.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Know Your worth.
This past weekend I was given the chance to speak at the youth Group at my parents church in Orland and the Topic of self worth was one I gladly took up. I wanted to share some of it here.
Humanity is the Pinnacle of Creation. We are the Corvette stingray next to the 1982 Honda civic that doesn't have tires. We were the thing declared "Very Good" by our creator. More over, as a Professor Said in class one day, "You saints when you wake in the morning, a servant as you go throughout your day, and a beloved child of god as you lay your head down to sleep." We are worth while, we are priceless in the eyes of the only one that matters.
I do not believe that self-esteem is something we get from our understanding of Scripture. Don't get me wrong having a good self image, a good self outlook, and self-respect is a great thing. But a self-love isn't. In 2 Timothy 16 Paul puts "lovers of self" in the same category as "lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, . . . unholy, unloving, . . . brutal haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God." Nothing in that list displays anything that mirrors Christ. He was self-less, loved others more than himself, in fact He died for all mankind! It wasn't that He hated Himself, it doesn't seem fit that God could ever hate Himself, because scripture talks about the perfect loving Union that God-head has. It was for love of Himself, and His people that He died. Scripture continues to make statements about not seeking his own good but that of a neighbor (1 Cor. 10:24), about the greatest being the servant not the master (Matt 23:11,12) and how we are to love our neighbor as ourselves! Scripture looks poorly on the prideful arrogant, and self centered, and conversely looks favorably on the self-less, the modest, and the servant.
That being said, that we are to know that we have worth, yet not be prideful it's clear that our worth has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with our creator. It's like the man that has a common car, in fact three of them in his driveway, and a rare car (one of only ten) in his garage covered in trash. For the owner the one that has more worth is the one that is useful to Him. However while this image is decent it's misleading, I have no more worth than the drug addicted murderer sitting in prison, I am simply living in the light of the knowledge of my worth to the Lord.
Image is linked to worth when it comes to humanity. Men must be either Athletic, Handsome, smart or savvy in order to have worth in the world, while women must be attractive, smart, attractive for them to be considered worth it here. It's stupid. It's a lie. Those attributes have no thing to do with worth, and everything to do with Gifts. They are gifts from the Lord, who looks no differently from one to the other. The man who works on a car has no more worth than the one preaching if they are both living and working for the Kingdom. We try to put things in that fill the void of God and we continue to fail. I tried sports, parties, girls and even work to fill that void for years and nothing worked. You can't Fill a God Sized Hole with a Man Sized Answer. Won't work. It's like trying to put a square where a circle should be you'll fail every time. It either won't fill all the space, or you can't fit it in at all. Our Image is like that of God. We are a chosen race! Beloved! Adored! Treasured! Looked highly upon! God Loves us, and when we live in the knowledge of that fact we have an image that no mirror can reflect and nothing can ruin. For Christ makes new our image to the Father.
So, we are beloved, treasured, and wanted. We are image bearers of God. And we Have nothing to do with our self-worth. Our Self-worth is all about Jesus. We can either live in the knowledge of that use, or we can ignore it. Like the man who ignores a million dollar check on his table addressed to him, he can cash it or let sit, or even throw it out. God wants us to only cash it. He wants us to cash in on our worth in Him and he is desperate to keep us from throwing it away. Psalm 139 is full of allusions to how Good God is in our creation!
It talks about being knit together in the womb, how skillfully we were made, how he has cared enough for us to write out our days before our birth. It says that the number of Good thoughts he has about us is more than grains of sand! For each person! He gives us worth. He loves Us. Treasures us. Desires us. He's reached out for us, he came to us when we could not come to him. Surely if we were not something of Value, something of Great Worth he would not have given his son for us. Forget what the Devil says that we're not good enough, that we can't beat our sin, that we can't live in that faith he's a liar a killer and a thief (John 10:10) He's a fool! He sees God face to face and thinks he can be better. That is a fool who knows no wisdom. Wisdom is this, God Loves us and desires us. He will give us the strength to overcome the sin in our lives, he guides us to live by faith. We are the Pinnacle of creation. We are the beloved children of God! We are valued.
Rejoice in the things about ourselves and our situations that we don't like! For they are surely only for our good. That one is hard to swallow for me. But it's true none-the-less. I've seen it so many times. He works everything out so that we can be well and live life abundantly for his Glory.
Know your worth. It's found in God! Nothing Here! No one here! Only by God.
Live knowing your worth. Cash that Check don't let it sit on the table, and surely don't throw it away and sell yourself off for the Lies that the enemy tries to convince you of.
We cannot ever change our worth in the Eyes of God. There is nothing we can do to make God love us Less. So try every day to do everything For Him, in Him and through Him.
God Loves us. End of Story
Humanity is the Pinnacle of Creation. We are the Corvette stingray next to the 1982 Honda civic that doesn't have tires. We were the thing declared "Very Good" by our creator. More over, as a Professor Said in class one day, "You saints when you wake in the morning, a servant as you go throughout your day, and a beloved child of god as you lay your head down to sleep." We are worth while, we are priceless in the eyes of the only one that matters.
I do not believe that self-esteem is something we get from our understanding of Scripture. Don't get me wrong having a good self image, a good self outlook, and self-respect is a great thing. But a self-love isn't. In 2 Timothy 16 Paul puts "lovers of self" in the same category as "lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, . . . unholy, unloving, . . . brutal haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God." Nothing in that list displays anything that mirrors Christ. He was self-less, loved others more than himself, in fact He died for all mankind! It wasn't that He hated Himself, it doesn't seem fit that God could ever hate Himself, because scripture talks about the perfect loving Union that God-head has. It was for love of Himself, and His people that He died. Scripture continues to make statements about not seeking his own good but that of a neighbor (1 Cor. 10:24), about the greatest being the servant not the master (Matt 23:11,12) and how we are to love our neighbor as ourselves! Scripture looks poorly on the prideful arrogant, and self centered, and conversely looks favorably on the self-less, the modest, and the servant.
That being said, that we are to know that we have worth, yet not be prideful it's clear that our worth has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with our creator. It's like the man that has a common car, in fact three of them in his driveway, and a rare car (one of only ten) in his garage covered in trash. For the owner the one that has more worth is the one that is useful to Him. However while this image is decent it's misleading, I have no more worth than the drug addicted murderer sitting in prison, I am simply living in the light of the knowledge of my worth to the Lord.
Image is linked to worth when it comes to humanity. Men must be either Athletic, Handsome, smart or savvy in order to have worth in the world, while women must be attractive, smart, attractive for them to be considered worth it here. It's stupid. It's a lie. Those attributes have no thing to do with worth, and everything to do with Gifts. They are gifts from the Lord, who looks no differently from one to the other. The man who works on a car has no more worth than the one preaching if they are both living and working for the Kingdom. We try to put things in that fill the void of God and we continue to fail. I tried sports, parties, girls and even work to fill that void for years and nothing worked. You can't Fill a God Sized Hole with a Man Sized Answer. Won't work. It's like trying to put a square where a circle should be you'll fail every time. It either won't fill all the space, or you can't fit it in at all. Our Image is like that of God. We are a chosen race! Beloved! Adored! Treasured! Looked highly upon! God Loves us, and when we live in the knowledge of that fact we have an image that no mirror can reflect and nothing can ruin. For Christ makes new our image to the Father.
So, we are beloved, treasured, and wanted. We are image bearers of God. And we Have nothing to do with our self-worth. Our Self-worth is all about Jesus. We can either live in the knowledge of that use, or we can ignore it. Like the man who ignores a million dollar check on his table addressed to him, he can cash it or let sit, or even throw it out. God wants us to only cash it. He wants us to cash in on our worth in Him and he is desperate to keep us from throwing it away. Psalm 139 is full of allusions to how Good God is in our creation!
It talks about being knit together in the womb, how skillfully we were made, how he has cared enough for us to write out our days before our birth. It says that the number of Good thoughts he has about us is more than grains of sand! For each person! He gives us worth. He loves Us. Treasures us. Desires us. He's reached out for us, he came to us when we could not come to him. Surely if we were not something of Value, something of Great Worth he would not have given his son for us. Forget what the Devil says that we're not good enough, that we can't beat our sin, that we can't live in that faith he's a liar a killer and a thief (John 10:10) He's a fool! He sees God face to face and thinks he can be better. That is a fool who knows no wisdom. Wisdom is this, God Loves us and desires us. He will give us the strength to overcome the sin in our lives, he guides us to live by faith. We are the Pinnacle of creation. We are the beloved children of God! We are valued.
Rejoice in the things about ourselves and our situations that we don't like! For they are surely only for our good. That one is hard to swallow for me. But it's true none-the-less. I've seen it so many times. He works everything out so that we can be well and live life abundantly for his Glory.
Know your worth. It's found in God! Nothing Here! No one here! Only by God.
Live knowing your worth. Cash that Check don't let it sit on the table, and surely don't throw it away and sell yourself off for the Lies that the enemy tries to convince you of.
We cannot ever change our worth in the Eyes of God. There is nothing we can do to make God love us Less. So try every day to do everything For Him, in Him and through Him.
God Loves us. End of Story
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Focus
When we drive, we go where we focus. If you focus on the mailboxes on the side of the road you're going to drift that way. If you text and drive you might notice that what ever hand you text with, which direction your head turns, is the way you'll find your car drifting if you look down long enough.
It's the same thing for our life.
If we focus on something we're going to drift to it. If I focus on my pleasure I'm going to pursue money, sex, alcohol, and other things. If I focus on pleasing others than I'm going to substitute my morals, and my values out for theirs.
It can be a good, great, and awesome thing however.
If we focus on Jesus, If we dwell on Him we'll start to be like Him. We'll act, talk, walk, think, pray and praise like He did while he was here on earth. It's a great thing. If we focus on Jesus we'll be like Him.
Who woulda thunk?
Paul tells us to be in like mind with Christ, which is going to make us like Him. So lets do it.
Friday, December 4, 2009
1 Cor 13.4
Love and Peace have eluded me for a few weeks now. In fact it's been longer than that, but it's typically been in spurts. I'm over anxious, angry, I feel alone, unloved, unlovable and deserted. Oddly enough a line from a movie made me wonder, the line basically says that if I were the enemy I'd want you feeling alone and abandoned. It's how I feel.
I've also come to the conclusion that I know God is love. So if I don't feel Love, of any kind, am I also not feeling God? I asked myself this and decided that I'm an idiot. I've tried to do this alone, to "man up" when I should really be leaning on others, and crashing to my knees before the LORD. Why should I have to go it alone? I mean I'm not alone. I said earlier today, that God said it was not good for man to be alone, and truly I am not alone, I have others here at school, at home and afar that love me, pray for me, and help me when I need it, and yet I feel utterly alone. It's crap that I've let the Enemy place in my head.
I'm loved.
Unconditionally, I'm loved.
I've looked over the passage on Love in first Corinthians 13 many times. Looked at it to help me love the person I was seeing at one point in time, used it to affirm the fact that this one Lately is a different type of love. The same love that God shares for his church, for truly that must be the meaning of the passage, or at least a theme. I've read it again and finished with this question. Do I love God Unconditionally??
I've listed it here for you :
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (NASB)
Am I patient? Kind? Jealous? Am i arrogant in my Christianity, or my Faith? Do I act unbecomingly? Seek my own will? Do i get angry at God? Do I (dare) hold things against God? Would I rather be unrighteous and feel justified or be righteous? Do I believe, hope, bear and endure all things, God?
It's a focus point I believe. I mean look at it. I'm not patient, for me two days is too long because Well, I want things on my time! And he Laughs! I demand my own will a lot! I may say, if you will it, but honestly I say under my breath, well of course you will it because it's what's best! (According to whom, often comes after but I try to suppress it.) I am a fool and Hold things against God (So and so is happy! They're not depressed! They get this they get that!) I get mad at God. And certainly there are times where I do not believe that He's doing what's best, and I wish to not endure but escape. Foolish of me isn't it?
So, it's a time to refocus. Do we Love God unconditionally or are their(?) Conditions to how we Love Him?
I mean, He loves us unconditionally. Enough to sacrifice His son. So . . . shouldn't we repay the favor?
I've also come to the conclusion that I know God is love. So if I don't feel Love, of any kind, am I also not feeling God? I asked myself this and decided that I'm an idiot. I've tried to do this alone, to "man up" when I should really be leaning on others, and crashing to my knees before the LORD. Why should I have to go it alone? I mean I'm not alone. I said earlier today, that God said it was not good for man to be alone, and truly I am not alone, I have others here at school, at home and afar that love me, pray for me, and help me when I need it, and yet I feel utterly alone. It's crap that I've let the Enemy place in my head.
I'm loved.
Unconditionally, I'm loved.
I've looked over the passage on Love in first Corinthians 13 many times. Looked at it to help me love the person I was seeing at one point in time, used it to affirm the fact that this one Lately is a different type of love. The same love that God shares for his church, for truly that must be the meaning of the passage, or at least a theme. I've read it again and finished with this question. Do I love God Unconditionally??
I've listed it here for you :
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (NASB)
Am I patient? Kind? Jealous? Am i arrogant in my Christianity, or my Faith? Do I act unbecomingly? Seek my own will? Do i get angry at God? Do I (dare) hold things against God? Would I rather be unrighteous and feel justified or be righteous? Do I believe, hope, bear and endure all things, God?
It's a focus point I believe. I mean look at it. I'm not patient, for me two days is too long because Well, I want things on my time! And he Laughs! I demand my own will a lot! I may say, if you will it, but honestly I say under my breath, well of course you will it because it's what's best! (According to whom, often comes after but I try to suppress it.) I am a fool and Hold things against God (So and so is happy! They're not depressed! They get this they get that!) I get mad at God. And certainly there are times where I do not believe that He's doing what's best, and I wish to not endure but escape. Foolish of me isn't it?
So, it's a time to refocus. Do we Love God unconditionally or are their(?) Conditions to how we Love Him?
I mean, He loves us unconditionally. Enough to sacrifice His son. So . . . shouldn't we repay the favor?
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Trust
Trust is something that has been hard to come by for me. Not in the aspect of being trusted, but in the actual act of trusting people. I've had too many people go behind my back and hurt me, too many people use things that broke me, against me. Yes, I know I've betrayed someone's trust as well, we all have, but in my experience I've just learned that sometimes it's better to not trust at all. Which leads to some problems that i thought would be easier to handle than others.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. . . "
That's been difficult for me, because I've even had my issues trusting God, lots of them actually. I've often thought that I could handle the situation adequately enough to where I didn't need to seek God in it, cause who knows maybe He'd screw me over as well. But when it comes down to it, I have consistently failed when I try on my own. I've ruined relationships, friendships, and opportunities. You'd think I woulda learned by now that I need to trust God. But there's a second aspect to that phrase/verse. That whole understanding part.
Cause from MY understanding I'M strong enough, I'M smart enough, and I'M good enough to get through what I gotta push through on my own. It's about me. It comes down to my pride, my foolish, selfish, childish pride. Because the fact of the matter is I have more moments of weakness than strength, and more moments of idiocy than of intelligence, and certainly less moments of being good enough than the alternative. See God understands those things. God knows me inside and out, he knit me in my mothers womb (Psalm 119). He knows everything about me. He even knows when I'm breaking, though I refuse to show it and acknowledge the possibility. He's got the understanding I need.
Not only is there this false understanding driven by my pride, but there's also the false understanding of things driven by my own low out look on my self. See I believe that the good things that come my way, are going to be taken away from me, cause I see in my past that it's appeared that way, though it wasn't always so. I see that the people who say they really care about me, and that love me, just lie to my face, or change in such a way that I couldn't see who they really were anymore. (Maybe it was me sometimes, but the big changes I've made have all been for better so I'm not complaining.) It's just hard to see the positive when the negative is plainer to see.
Biggest problem is, I've carried those things over and affected people that weren't out to hurt me, that weren't lying, and that were actually happy for me in the changes I've made, and that Changed along with me, for the better. Trust is still hard for me. Ask those closest to me, Kamila, Chuck, and Dani, and others they know it's obvious actually. I'm good at putting faces on, I've done it long enough to where I got it down when I want it. So, I'm trying to trust. I'm breaking to trust. Because that's what this is all about. You can't actually believe you love someone if you don't trust them. And I love my friends all of them. I'd do anything for them, just ask the one's I've picked up at 2am when I worked at 7. But it's been so hard to trust them. And I've even made some poor choices in friends because they simply weren't breaking my trust. They downtalked me, and the people I cared about, they treated me like garbage and never let up, but they weren't stabbing me in the back so I kept them around. It's hard to see it the way things are. That I've got to make some more changes. So, I guess it's time to shape up.
Time to Trust.
Time to Love.
Time to Have Faith
Time to believe that I'm loved and looked after.
Cause with the people closest to me, I've been blind in not seeing it already.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. . . "
That's been difficult for me, because I've even had my issues trusting God, lots of them actually. I've often thought that I could handle the situation adequately enough to where I didn't need to seek God in it, cause who knows maybe He'd screw me over as well. But when it comes down to it, I have consistently failed when I try on my own. I've ruined relationships, friendships, and opportunities. You'd think I woulda learned by now that I need to trust God. But there's a second aspect to that phrase/verse. That whole understanding part.
Cause from MY understanding I'M strong enough, I'M smart enough, and I'M good enough to get through what I gotta push through on my own. It's about me. It comes down to my pride, my foolish, selfish, childish pride. Because the fact of the matter is I have more moments of weakness than strength, and more moments of idiocy than of intelligence, and certainly less moments of being good enough than the alternative. See God understands those things. God knows me inside and out, he knit me in my mothers womb (Psalm 119). He knows everything about me. He even knows when I'm breaking, though I refuse to show it and acknowledge the possibility. He's got the understanding I need.
Not only is there this false understanding driven by my pride, but there's also the false understanding of things driven by my own low out look on my self. See I believe that the good things that come my way, are going to be taken away from me, cause I see in my past that it's appeared that way, though it wasn't always so. I see that the people who say they really care about me, and that love me, just lie to my face, or change in such a way that I couldn't see who they really were anymore. (Maybe it was me sometimes, but the big changes I've made have all been for better so I'm not complaining.) It's just hard to see the positive when the negative is plainer to see.
Biggest problem is, I've carried those things over and affected people that weren't out to hurt me, that weren't lying, and that were actually happy for me in the changes I've made, and that Changed along with me, for the better. Trust is still hard for me. Ask those closest to me, Kamila, Chuck, and Dani, and others they know it's obvious actually. I'm good at putting faces on, I've done it long enough to where I got it down when I want it. So, I'm trying to trust. I'm breaking to trust. Because that's what this is all about. You can't actually believe you love someone if you don't trust them. And I love my friends all of them. I'd do anything for them, just ask the one's I've picked up at 2am when I worked at 7. But it's been so hard to trust them. And I've even made some poor choices in friends because they simply weren't breaking my trust. They downtalked me, and the people I cared about, they treated me like garbage and never let up, but they weren't stabbing me in the back so I kept them around. It's hard to see it the way things are. That I've got to make some more changes. So, I guess it's time to shape up.
Time to Trust.
Time to Love.
Time to Have Faith
Time to believe that I'm loved and looked after.
Cause with the people closest to me, I've been blind in not seeing it already.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Future
Ever wake up with that feeling that everything was falling out from under you?
Yea, wish it went away when I woke up.
I'm not sure anymore what I'm supposed to do with myself. I'm told to finish school and keep going in what I'm doing. That's great. I mean I do think that I'd be great at being a teaching pastor and teaching Bible at a high school, yet I'm not always sold that I'm supposed to do that. I don't like school so why would I want to teach? I'm struggling to be who I should be. I can't seem to make the changes necessary to be who I'll need to be in order to do that right. Not that I'm doing anything terribly wrong but I'm not the typical picture of a pastor. I've really been debating dropping out of school and seeing if it's possible to get into the fire academy. I'd be good at it.
There's no secret that Many people can't picture me in ministry. And the responses I get from the parents and others is that those people don't really know my heart or that they don't really know me. My response typically is, maybe they know me better than you think. I'm not gentle, or all that kind. I struggle with things of Faith, in fact I wouldn't say I have a strong faith outside of a solid scripture knowledge. . . take away any aspect of the scripture and I go nuts Lose everything. It seems I put more faith in scripture than in Christ. maybe it's simply that I can see scripture, I can read it, I can touch it and I can't always do that with God. I have goals, things I'd like to do, typically encompassing the fact that I want to disciple young men into maturity. I hated how Bible was taught to me in High School, and I don't think we give today's youth enough credit, I believe we sell them short a lot. But am I the person to go and change that?
If I was truly meant to continue in ministry, would I have such doubts? Would I be able to question what I'm doing daily? Regardless of how good my worship was, or how difficult the day was the same questions come up again and again. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm wasting money, time, and energy. Yes I know that I can't truly waste time investing time in learning about God's word, but that doesn't make the thought go away.
I guess it comes to who do I want to be? What do I want to do? I want to serve God, but I'm not sure I'm able all the time certainly not sure I can when I'm in this state. . . So what do I do? I don't like this feeling at all.
Any thoughts? Ideas?
Yea, wish it went away when I woke up.
I'm not sure anymore what I'm supposed to do with myself. I'm told to finish school and keep going in what I'm doing. That's great. I mean I do think that I'd be great at being a teaching pastor and teaching Bible at a high school, yet I'm not always sold that I'm supposed to do that. I don't like school so why would I want to teach? I'm struggling to be who I should be. I can't seem to make the changes necessary to be who I'll need to be in order to do that right. Not that I'm doing anything terribly wrong but I'm not the typical picture of a pastor. I've really been debating dropping out of school and seeing if it's possible to get into the fire academy. I'd be good at it.
There's no secret that Many people can't picture me in ministry. And the responses I get from the parents and others is that those people don't really know my heart or that they don't really know me. My response typically is, maybe they know me better than you think. I'm not gentle, or all that kind. I struggle with things of Faith, in fact I wouldn't say I have a strong faith outside of a solid scripture knowledge. . . take away any aspect of the scripture and I go nuts Lose everything. It seems I put more faith in scripture than in Christ. maybe it's simply that I can see scripture, I can read it, I can touch it and I can't always do that with God. I have goals, things I'd like to do, typically encompassing the fact that I want to disciple young men into maturity. I hated how Bible was taught to me in High School, and I don't think we give today's youth enough credit, I believe we sell them short a lot. But am I the person to go and change that?
If I was truly meant to continue in ministry, would I have such doubts? Would I be able to question what I'm doing daily? Regardless of how good my worship was, or how difficult the day was the same questions come up again and again. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm wasting money, time, and energy. Yes I know that I can't truly waste time investing time in learning about God's word, but that doesn't make the thought go away.
I guess it comes to who do I want to be? What do I want to do? I want to serve God, but I'm not sure I'm able all the time certainly not sure I can when I'm in this state. . . So what do I do? I don't like this feeling at all.
Any thoughts? Ideas?
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Heart pt 2
Different things have been put on my heart lately. People, ideas, goals, things that I've really had to come to grips with where they may not be be exactly as they seem. There's particularly been a lot of people that I've been praying for a lot, people that God has put on my heart because I can see a need for more of him in their lives. Not that they don't have him, but sometimes they have difficulty doing what he asks. It's been hard seeing people I love stray from the path he has, and from the way he wants them to be. It breaks my heart in fact. I don't mean this to be offensive, or to tell you all that you're evil people or anything like that. I just want you to know that i'm praying for you. And I hope you're praying for me. There's days where I'm not what I seem either, where I'm a fool and go my own way instead of the way that God wants me to go. In fact it's a constant struggle.
Everyday i deal with the fact that it seems as if a war is taking place within my soul. That part of me desperately wants to serve the Savior that paid my price, that i want o please him alone and that I know doing this will is how I can accomplish that. Being Holy, living as Christ would live, 1 John 1:6 says: "If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet wlak in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth." It's a hard realization, and it's not something I like to hear. That I'm not living out the truth that I long to share and to teach people. That I'm not receiving the opportunities or blessings that I could because I'm still stuck in my sin. It rips me apart knowing that there's more, there's better and I can have it, but I'm the one that's holding myself back. I'm the one lying to people, I'm the one doubting, I'm the one believing the Garbage that the Enemy has put into my head. It sucks.
I want you guys to know my heart, I want you to know that I love each and everyone of you. That I have had the pleasure of seeing God work in your life, and I've seen you wrestle with Him as well. I've seen you fail and succeed just as most of you have seen me fail and succeed. I pray for victory for all of you, and for myself. I pray that you receive the blessings due to those who give honor, praise, and who faithfully serve our Savior, our LORD, our Daddy. He's great, powerful, mighty, Holy, Just, Worthy, I can keep going and fill an entire volume of books with the things that He is that make him who He is.
If you wanna talk I"m here. If I made you mad, tell me. But above everything Know I'm praying for you. That i want to see you guys Walk in the Light. It's a great thing to walk in the light. Everything is better. The cloud doesn't have a silver lining when you walk in the light. it's made of precious jewels and gold. When I'm walking in the light and close with God I Love better, (Ask Dani) I serve better, I have more energy, I'm blessed more, I can come to better realization about God. Everything is better, even the bad doesn't seem bad when I'm walking Hand in Hand with God.
My Final word, we all have sin in our life, we all have something to deal with, as God Told Joshua in Joshua 7:13 (though a lose translation) there is sin in your camp, (life) Rise up, and deal with it, then you will be blessed. Take a stand with me, put on your armor (Ephesians 6:10-18) And fight. We're not meant to be weak, we're meant to stand strong for the Lord is our Foundation, our healer, and our Warrior who fights on our behalf. Be encouraged cause the war was won on the Cross, Jesus crushed Satan and while the battles are still waging, and they hard don't forget that, the war is won which means the Battles can be as well.
Email or text or call anytime. I love you all. Be blessed.
Bryce
Dare to be Loved.
Everyday i deal with the fact that it seems as if a war is taking place within my soul. That part of me desperately wants to serve the Savior that paid my price, that i want o please him alone and that I know doing this will is how I can accomplish that. Being Holy, living as Christ would live, 1 John 1:6 says: "If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet wlak in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth." It's a hard realization, and it's not something I like to hear. That I'm not living out the truth that I long to share and to teach people. That I'm not receiving the opportunities or blessings that I could because I'm still stuck in my sin. It rips me apart knowing that there's more, there's better and I can have it, but I'm the one that's holding myself back. I'm the one lying to people, I'm the one doubting, I'm the one believing the Garbage that the Enemy has put into my head. It sucks.
I want you guys to know my heart, I want you to know that I love each and everyone of you. That I have had the pleasure of seeing God work in your life, and I've seen you wrestle with Him as well. I've seen you fail and succeed just as most of you have seen me fail and succeed. I pray for victory for all of you, and for myself. I pray that you receive the blessings due to those who give honor, praise, and who faithfully serve our Savior, our LORD, our Daddy. He's great, powerful, mighty, Holy, Just, Worthy, I can keep going and fill an entire volume of books with the things that He is that make him who He is.
If you wanna talk I"m here. If I made you mad, tell me. But above everything Know I'm praying for you. That i want to see you guys Walk in the Light. It's a great thing to walk in the light. Everything is better. The cloud doesn't have a silver lining when you walk in the light. it's made of precious jewels and gold. When I'm walking in the light and close with God I Love better, (Ask Dani) I serve better, I have more energy, I'm blessed more, I can come to better realization about God. Everything is better, even the bad doesn't seem bad when I'm walking Hand in Hand with God.
My Final word, we all have sin in our life, we all have something to deal with, as God Told Joshua in Joshua 7:13 (though a lose translation) there is sin in your camp, (life) Rise up, and deal with it, then you will be blessed. Take a stand with me, put on your armor (Ephesians 6:10-18) And fight. We're not meant to be weak, we're meant to stand strong for the Lord is our Foundation, our healer, and our Warrior who fights on our behalf. Be encouraged cause the war was won on the Cross, Jesus crushed Satan and while the battles are still waging, and they hard don't forget that, the war is won which means the Battles can be as well.
Email or text or call anytime. I love you all. Be blessed.
Bryce
Dare to be Loved.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Reclaiming Ground
I've spent a lot of time thinking about my dreams, my goals, the things that I desire, the things that Drive me. It's been a time of self evaluation. Some of it good, and some of it terrible. It's hard to think that I can want something that would be detrimental to what I truly want to do.
It's an expression of this battle that's waging with in me. This battle that is the world fighting to come forward, and then the God that I serve claiming ground that is already his. My dreams, my Goals, my Desires are grounds that God owns. They are things that he has complete control over, when I'm On. By being "on" I mean to say when I'm making an effort, when I'm walking in the Light ( 1 John 1) when I'm sincerely taking steps to grow closer to God. When I'm on. It's a beautiful thing. I trust that though I'm stretched thin I'll find rest, and even abundance. I believe that what I got is a good thing, it's a blessing and a strength. I love like no tomorrow. When I'm on I love God, my Family, my Friends, and Dani like there's no tomorrow. Funny, how when I'm close to God I over flow with love. . . isn't that the general idea? It's not a new concept to me, just a newer experience. It's a good thing. Something I wish I could do every day. Yet, I'm human so I fail. But I don't have to. I don't have to fail.
And I certainly and sick and tired of thinking that all I can do is fail. Its garbage. Satan is telling me that all I can do is fail. That I'm not good enough. Started with trust, telling me that noone can love me as my heart desires, that I can't be trusted to love like someone deserves or wants. He told me I wasn't going to do what I love, that I couldn't stand under the weight of what I really wanted to do So I quit. He's told me before that I'm going to fail at ministry, that I'm going to be nothing. I know it's him telling me that because God wouldn't tell me I'm going to fail at ministry, he'd simply change my ministry direction into something that I'm going to succeed at. This is where my heart is. Teaching Truth. Living every day to grow to be more like Christ. Living within the knowledge of the Grace that I don't deserve.
I'm done looking at myself as a failure. And I'm certainly done looking back and saying that God is the reason I have not done the things I love, or why things failed when I desperately wanted them to succeed. I blame myself and my gullibility for my failures, for believing that I couldn't do it. I'm jumping over a fence and I like the view on this side.
Jump with me? Come over? See how God can work in your life when you Let Go and acknowledge that He is Supreme, Sovereign, Loving, Kind, Good, Holy, and Perfect LORD. Come Grow closer to God with me, walk with me through the Light. And tell Satan to Go to Hell.
It's an expression of this battle that's waging with in me. This battle that is the world fighting to come forward, and then the God that I serve claiming ground that is already his. My dreams, my Goals, my Desires are grounds that God owns. They are things that he has complete control over, when I'm On. By being "on" I mean to say when I'm making an effort, when I'm walking in the Light ( 1 John 1) when I'm sincerely taking steps to grow closer to God. When I'm on. It's a beautiful thing. I trust that though I'm stretched thin I'll find rest, and even abundance. I believe that what I got is a good thing, it's a blessing and a strength. I love like no tomorrow. When I'm on I love God, my Family, my Friends, and Dani like there's no tomorrow. Funny, how when I'm close to God I over flow with love. . . isn't that the general idea? It's not a new concept to me, just a newer experience. It's a good thing. Something I wish I could do every day. Yet, I'm human so I fail. But I don't have to. I don't have to fail.
And I certainly and sick and tired of thinking that all I can do is fail. Its garbage. Satan is telling me that all I can do is fail. That I'm not good enough. Started with trust, telling me that noone can love me as my heart desires, that I can't be trusted to love like someone deserves or wants. He told me I wasn't going to do what I love, that I couldn't stand under the weight of what I really wanted to do So I quit. He's told me before that I'm going to fail at ministry, that I'm going to be nothing. I know it's him telling me that because God wouldn't tell me I'm going to fail at ministry, he'd simply change my ministry direction into something that I'm going to succeed at. This is where my heart is. Teaching Truth. Living every day to grow to be more like Christ. Living within the knowledge of the Grace that I don't deserve.
I'm done looking at myself as a failure. And I'm certainly done looking back and saying that God is the reason I have not done the things I love, or why things failed when I desperately wanted them to succeed. I blame myself and my gullibility for my failures, for believing that I couldn't do it. I'm jumping over a fence and I like the view on this side.
Jump with me? Come over? See how God can work in your life when you Let Go and acknowledge that He is Supreme, Sovereign, Loving, Kind, Good, Holy, and Perfect LORD. Come Grow closer to God with me, walk with me through the Light. And tell Satan to Go to Hell.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Armed and Ready
Over the summer I had the chance to work once again at Bair Lake Bible Camp as member of the senior staff. It was amazing. The fellowship, the teaching, the worship, the work, everything about it I loved. It was tough though, I had to work through some things that were definitely of spiritual nature. Feelings of not being good enough to work there, that I shouldn't be there, that the things I held closest were going to fall away. It was . . . ridiculous for me to think those things, because they didn't have any solid base on them. It was all lies that were trying to get me to fail and to give up so I couldn't do what I was there to do.
It was the best summer ever.
I grew so much closer to my LORD, I grew in my knowledge of a basic concept that we often forget, I grew closer to Danielle (and she was hours away!), I made a stand and fought for the right things, and most of all I was able to take up the armor of God in the way it was meant to be taken up. And that is probably the biggest thing that changed in me this summer, I figured out how to really use that armor to the fullest capabilities.
I wanted to touch that today, to explain that in my life now. First off I'll start at the top and work down. Ephesians 6:10-18 talks about the armor of God in all of it's components. I'll start with the Helmet of salvation which has been a huge help to me because it keeps reminding me that I have been given salvation, that the price was paid by someone that was capable of paying it because I am not. It reminds me that I need to be humble in my thinking about myself, yet realizing at the same time that I'm truly worth something because of what Christ has achieved in me.
Secondly the breast plate of righteous ness. It's so cool to hear that this isn't putting on our own righteous ness but Christ's it's getting up everyday and doing everything we can to be more like Christ. It helps steer us from sin, as well as keep sus honest about how we are meant to live.
The Belt of truth as easy for me, the truth is something I hope I never go away from in my teaching. Truth is truth, no matter what. There are certain truthes that are fought against today, but that doesn't mean they are not true, it just means that people are blind to them. I learned that "Truth" Is more than scriptures. It's also the things that are true, I'm saved, I'm a beloved child of God, I'm a servant, and even a Saint for the LORD. Things that Cannot be taken away from me. Truth, is what I long to hold on to.
The shield of faith was huge for me, knowing that it is truly the community of believers coming together and protecting each other. It's the ability to withstand peril and the devil because you have people around you pushing you to be better, and filling in the holes where you can't. It's having a church family, a set of people around you to lift you up in prayer to the LORD.
The sword of the Spirit. Ahh! what an amazing defensive weapon we have. We have the ability to pull scripture out every time we get tempted, and every time we can feel the Devil trying to get at us. As Josh Put it, when the devil has us by our throats we can take out our small sword and put it through his side and win the battle. It's amazing to think, but honestly it's worked!! So often since being home I've had scripture pop into my head that has helped me stay pure and think Holy things, or think about God instead of myself. It's incrediably powerful
Last but certainly not least. The Shoes of the Preparation of the Gospel of Peace. The thing that I most took away is that the Gospel is not merely for people who don't know God. It's for us too. I used the analagy of chains, for the person who does not know God, the Gospel releases those chains to sin and sets him free. For me, the believer, the Gospel reminds me that I was released, but also and more importantly that I'm in process of being healed by the grace of God. That the wounds that were left behind by the chains will fade, the affects may always be there, and there will be scars, but I won't have to go through life with that Pain because Christ has taken it away.
This one's long, I apologize but It's a good one I believe.
God Bless.
OH and for you guys too, read Isaiah 57, it talks about Jesus putting on his armour. . . soooo Cool!
It was the best summer ever.
I grew so much closer to my LORD, I grew in my knowledge of a basic concept that we often forget, I grew closer to Danielle (and she was hours away!), I made a stand and fought for the right things, and most of all I was able to take up the armor of God in the way it was meant to be taken up. And that is probably the biggest thing that changed in me this summer, I figured out how to really use that armor to the fullest capabilities.
I wanted to touch that today, to explain that in my life now. First off I'll start at the top and work down. Ephesians 6:10-18 talks about the armor of God in all of it's components. I'll start with the Helmet of salvation which has been a huge help to me because it keeps reminding me that I have been given salvation, that the price was paid by someone that was capable of paying it because I am not. It reminds me that I need to be humble in my thinking about myself, yet realizing at the same time that I'm truly worth something because of what Christ has achieved in me.
Secondly the breast plate of righteous ness. It's so cool to hear that this isn't putting on our own righteous ness but Christ's it's getting up everyday and doing everything we can to be more like Christ. It helps steer us from sin, as well as keep sus honest about how we are meant to live.
The Belt of truth as easy for me, the truth is something I hope I never go away from in my teaching. Truth is truth, no matter what. There are certain truthes that are fought against today, but that doesn't mean they are not true, it just means that people are blind to them. I learned that "Truth" Is more than scriptures. It's also the things that are true, I'm saved, I'm a beloved child of God, I'm a servant, and even a Saint for the LORD. Things that Cannot be taken away from me. Truth, is what I long to hold on to.
The shield of faith was huge for me, knowing that it is truly the community of believers coming together and protecting each other. It's the ability to withstand peril and the devil because you have people around you pushing you to be better, and filling in the holes where you can't. It's having a church family, a set of people around you to lift you up in prayer to the LORD.
The sword of the Spirit. Ahh! what an amazing defensive weapon we have. We have the ability to pull scripture out every time we get tempted, and every time we can feel the Devil trying to get at us. As Josh Put it, when the devil has us by our throats we can take out our small sword and put it through his side and win the battle. It's amazing to think, but honestly it's worked!! So often since being home I've had scripture pop into my head that has helped me stay pure and think Holy things, or think about God instead of myself. It's incrediably powerful
Last but certainly not least. The Shoes of the Preparation of the Gospel of Peace. The thing that I most took away is that the Gospel is not merely for people who don't know God. It's for us too. I used the analagy of chains, for the person who does not know God, the Gospel releases those chains to sin and sets him free. For me, the believer, the Gospel reminds me that I was released, but also and more importantly that I'm in process of being healed by the grace of God. That the wounds that were left behind by the chains will fade, the affects may always be there, and there will be scars, but I won't have to go through life with that Pain because Christ has taken it away.
This one's long, I apologize but It's a good one I believe.
God Bless.
OH and for you guys too, read Isaiah 57, it talks about Jesus putting on his armour. . . soooo Cool!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Doubt
Even while I was at camp this summer I had some doubts running through my mind and they bothered me the entire time that I was there. They would battle back into my mind each and every time I though that I had them Subdued. It was incredibly difficult to go about the work that I had to do while I was at camp with those doubts in my head. Doubts about God's love, about my career path, about Danielle, about friends and school. Stupid things that I had once turned over to the Lord to Handle, yet it appears at some point that I came and took them back.
It came to me that I never truly gave them over to the Lord, I just put them there at the foot of the cross and walked away. That's the problem, I never handed them to the Lord, I never let Him take them and toss them away, to separate them from me completely. And then to make matters worse I walked away from the Cross, not to say I walked away from the Lord, but I took my eyes away from the Cross, and therefore away from the Strength that it gives me. It was crazy hard to go through this summer with that attitude. Granted I did it, but only through a great many prayers, and through the uplifting of others.
I had stopped searching for God in the Word, I was praying and expecting answers without actually seeking them out. Jeremiah 33:3 talks about God revealing secrets to us, and John 15:16 talks about how God will grant us what we wish so long as it is in accordance to His will. But when I'm asking questions, and He has this great book in front of me, and I don't go to it for answers, that is truly foolishness. Proverbs 3:5-6 is almost cliche in our culture but the words ring truer for me than ever, "trust in the Lord with all your heart" something I've done in the aspect of eternity, but not so much as in everyday. Yes somedays I throw myself before the Lord and trust him completely but others, I try to do it on my own.
Isaiah 40:29-31 is great because it again reiterates the point that it is those who trust in the LORD that will persevere. Those who don't look to the Lord for strength and don't trust him still to deliver on that are going to grow weary and fall. It's awesome to see that it's promised to us that we will succeed in Christ. Romans 8:37 in the NLT phrases it as "overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." How sweet is that!!
To finish, I came home and was crazy discouraged on Saturday. I just felt deserted that I was on my own and that I didn't matter. Then Sunday morning the sermon was from Psalm 91. It saved my mind. Read it. Get into it. Hide it in your heart, use it as a sword to defeat the devil when he is close enough that you can smell his breath.
Thanks,
Dare to Love, and Don't Look Back!
It came to me that I never truly gave them over to the Lord, I just put them there at the foot of the cross and walked away. That's the problem, I never handed them to the Lord, I never let Him take them and toss them away, to separate them from me completely. And then to make matters worse I walked away from the Cross, not to say I walked away from the Lord, but I took my eyes away from the Cross, and therefore away from the Strength that it gives me. It was crazy hard to go through this summer with that attitude. Granted I did it, but only through a great many prayers, and through the uplifting of others.
I had stopped searching for God in the Word, I was praying and expecting answers without actually seeking them out. Jeremiah 33:3 talks about God revealing secrets to us, and John 15:16 talks about how God will grant us what we wish so long as it is in accordance to His will. But when I'm asking questions, and He has this great book in front of me, and I don't go to it for answers, that is truly foolishness. Proverbs 3:5-6 is almost cliche in our culture but the words ring truer for me than ever, "trust in the Lord with all your heart" something I've done in the aspect of eternity, but not so much as in everyday. Yes somedays I throw myself before the Lord and trust him completely but others, I try to do it on my own.
Isaiah 40:29-31 is great because it again reiterates the point that it is those who trust in the LORD that will persevere. Those who don't look to the Lord for strength and don't trust him still to deliver on that are going to grow weary and fall. It's awesome to see that it's promised to us that we will succeed in Christ. Romans 8:37 in the NLT phrases it as "overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." How sweet is that!!
To finish, I came home and was crazy discouraged on Saturday. I just felt deserted that I was on my own and that I didn't matter. Then Sunday morning the sermon was from Psalm 91. It saved my mind. Read it. Get into it. Hide it in your heart, use it as a sword to defeat the devil when he is close enough that you can smell his breath.
Thanks,
Dare to Love, and Don't Look Back!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Walking away from the cross.
In an earlier post I believe I told a story about how I've come to look at people coming and bringing things to the Cross of Jesus Christ and leaving them there. It was three different people, one who left it there and just walked away from it, one who set it down, sat down and waited and when things didn't work in his time he picked it back up and left. and then the last who dropped it off, and prayed and then picked it back up and left.
There's a crucial thing wrong with that that I've come to understand, something that Changes how I look at that whole idea. Something that's probably rather elementary yet was out of my understanding for a while. They all walk away from the cross, they all in some way shape or form walk away from the cross. Instead of dropping things off at the feet of Jesus and at the base of His cross, what if we handed them over to Him, and let him cast them away as far as the east is from the west, and then clung too and kept our eye focused on the cross. Sin can't enter into our lives if we cling to the cross, and let it be the mainstay in our lives, but if we don't and we let go and look around we fall short.
Just like peter on the water, once he took his focus off of Jesus he began to doubt and then fell into the sea and could no longer walk on water. It was his faith that allowed him to look to Jesus for that miracle, and it was his doubt his FLESH that kept him from keeping that Gaze fixed on Jesus which thus made him fall.
So let's turn our eyes to Jesus, turn our sin over to him and Not fall short. Let's persevere to the end, and keep our eyes fixed on him because then walking on water could simply be the beginning.
There's a crucial thing wrong with that that I've come to understand, something that Changes how I look at that whole idea. Something that's probably rather elementary yet was out of my understanding for a while. They all walk away from the cross, they all in some way shape or form walk away from the cross. Instead of dropping things off at the feet of Jesus and at the base of His cross, what if we handed them over to Him, and let him cast them away as far as the east is from the west, and then clung too and kept our eye focused on the cross. Sin can't enter into our lives if we cling to the cross, and let it be the mainstay in our lives, but if we don't and we let go and look around we fall short.
Just like peter on the water, once he took his focus off of Jesus he began to doubt and then fell into the sea and could no longer walk on water. It was his faith that allowed him to look to Jesus for that miracle, and it was his doubt his FLESH that kept him from keeping that Gaze fixed on Jesus which thus made him fall.
So let's turn our eyes to Jesus, turn our sin over to him and Not fall short. Let's persevere to the end, and keep our eyes fixed on him because then walking on water could simply be the beginning.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Love.
So, it's kinda cool right here at camp, and I've been thinking a lot about numerous things, all of them beneficial for where I am at this point in my life. Something that hit me though was the fact of Love. Like this irreplaceable love that we can't ignore or deny or anything. We can only accept it. it's so evident so clear that there's no alternative. It's soo cool!
Like today, as I was weed eating around the camp I noticed the camp directors wife coming home from work, and her daughter 12 or 13 years old came running out the front door to greet her. it was like the perfect moment. I mean who does that!! It's so abnormal for us to see this much love coming through that it's . . . well abnormal. How sad is that? How pathetic is that people who were DESIGNED to love can't seem to do it right. Children can't love their parents, and people can't love their siblings or spouses for very long, unless they're getting something in return for it. It's terrible.
I mean what was the first thing that the LORD said was not good in the world. That man was alone was the thing that was not alone. It's ideal that we're together, it's ideal that we're in love and loving each other. I mean, we can't even love each other and brother and sisters in Christ as well as we should. It's disgusting.
My goal, is to dare to be loved, and to dare to love unashamed, unabashed, uninhibitedly, and unruly. I want my love to pour over into everything else that is part of my life, and the only reason that I'm capable is because of the LORD.
So, love like there's no tomorrow may take a new meaning after seeing this today.
I want that in my life, I want that with my children and my wife, and my family and my friends. But more so, I want that with my LORD. He loves me that much so why can't i love him that much.
Like today, as I was weed eating around the camp I noticed the camp directors wife coming home from work, and her daughter 12 or 13 years old came running out the front door to greet her. it was like the perfect moment. I mean who does that!! It's so abnormal for us to see this much love coming through that it's . . . well abnormal. How sad is that? How pathetic is that people who were DESIGNED to love can't seem to do it right. Children can't love their parents, and people can't love their siblings or spouses for very long, unless they're getting something in return for it. It's terrible.
I mean what was the first thing that the LORD said was not good in the world. That man was alone was the thing that was not alone. It's ideal that we're together, it's ideal that we're in love and loving each other. I mean, we can't even love each other and brother and sisters in Christ as well as we should. It's disgusting.
My goal, is to dare to be loved, and to dare to love unashamed, unabashed, uninhibitedly, and unruly. I want my love to pour over into everything else that is part of my life, and the only reason that I'm capable is because of the LORD.
So, love like there's no tomorrow may take a new meaning after seeing this today.
I want that in my life, I want that with my children and my wife, and my family and my friends. But more so, I want that with my LORD. He loves me that much so why can't i love him that much.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Grace
Nothing too exciting going on lately. Just been thinking alot lately about Grace. I've never been one to extend myself a lot of grace, or to too many people for that matter. It's just something that I've never been good at I guess. It's the hardest on myself though, I just don't extend myself grace I assume because I just expect better out of myself.
I heard this like micro-message on the radio about being able to lie int he sufficiency of God's grace and it hit me. If God can forgive me, than why can't I?? I mean it's like they said last night, David was the man after God's own heart and he committed murder and adultery, yet when Christ entered the gates of Jerusalem on Palm Sunday he was called the Son of David. God's grace was enough for David to still be remembered as someone that was important in the salvation history of the world. If it was enough for him, than why can't I seem to get that it's MORE than enough for me??
Just a weird concept to me I guess. I'm hard on myself, but i need to forgive myself too.
So moral of the Story. His grace is far more than I need, and I need to accept it.
I heard this like micro-message on the radio about being able to lie int he sufficiency of God's grace and it hit me. If God can forgive me, than why can't I?? I mean it's like they said last night, David was the man after God's own heart and he committed murder and adultery, yet when Christ entered the gates of Jerusalem on Palm Sunday he was called the Son of David. God's grace was enough for David to still be remembered as someone that was important in the salvation history of the world. If it was enough for him, than why can't I seem to get that it's MORE than enough for me??
Just a weird concept to me I guess. I'm hard on myself, but i need to forgive myself too.
So moral of the Story. His grace is far more than I need, and I need to accept it.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Politically Correct
I was thinking the other day about the fact that we're required to be "Politically Correct" almost all the time. In stores you have to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas now, because that person might not celebrate Christmas. There's other things too, especially within the church that we have to be politically correct about otherwise we bet blow back.
For example, we often hear in our world today that it's soon going to be illegal to speak against Gay marriage and that it'll be a hate crime. That's a bunch of Crap. Or how in churches some of the taboo or difficult topics don't get talked about because it's just not politically correct. It's big in the emergent church to not make a finalized Decision on something that affects someone's life. Church leaders like Rob Bell won't speak out against living together before you're married all too often and instead can almost be in support of it. (There's a part in his book Sex God that actually makes it seem like he's making excuses for those living and sleeping together within the church, from my perspective at least.) Or other emergent leaders, like Brian McLaren certainly won't speak against the Homosexual lifestyle.
It's just beginning to bother me that we're so worried about being politically correct, and it seems we're not worried enough about being Biblically correct on the same topics. The Bible is clear, Homosexuality is a sin, being drunk is a sin, pre-marital sex is a sin, the bible is clear it's either a sin or it's not, there's no ifs ands or buts about it. It's cut and dry no half way, no part sin, it's sin or it's not. Paul wasn't politically correct at all in his beleifs or his teachings, so much so that he was stoned once and another time had an entire town out for his head. Jesus wasn't all that politically correct either, he washed his disciples feet, he brought children into his arms over adults, he had a bunch of young untrained guys as his Apostles. He spoke against the pharisees and priests of that day, he said that He was God, he turned over the seller's tables in the temple, and he hung out with crooks, prostitutes, and liars. What about that is Politically correct for a rabbai exactly?
He was biblically correct however, Granted his teachers fill the second half so it's easier for him cause they're his ideas but w/e. He HATED sin but LOVED the sinner, he put service first and self-service last. He aided the outcast of the world, spoke true words, and was not intentionally offensive, unless of course the message he preached was. He was Biblically correct all the time, and Politically correct rarely. We say we want to be like Jesus but don't want to offend anyone, I'm all for that. I'm not going to go up and offend somone directly or intentionally, but if the Gospel is Offensive to them, then o well. It's a fine line between being mean and committing a sin and being truthful. It's going to hurt somone, I mean being told clearly that Homosexual lifestyle is a sin is going to offend someone but so be it, it's the truth. Speaking against drug and alchohol abuse isn't popular but it needs to be done. Speaking out and speaking UP against pre-marital sex isn't popular but it's what Christ did, it's what Paul did, it's what the Bible Does!
We're so worried about offending people because they might leave our churches or our schools, if I preach the Bible with a sencerity in my heart, and Love in my heart, and they feel offended that I know it was the Bible that offended them not me, and I'm okay with that. Love is the key word. I can't be biblically correct if I don't preach and teach with Love. But there's just things we can't be both biblically correct and politically correct on.
I don't know about you, but 100% of the time I hope I choose Biblically correct over Politically correct, after all that's what I believe our Saviour did even up to the point where He died so that we may live.
Thoughts?
For example, we often hear in our world today that it's soon going to be illegal to speak against Gay marriage and that it'll be a hate crime. That's a bunch of Crap. Or how in churches some of the taboo or difficult topics don't get talked about because it's just not politically correct. It's big in the emergent church to not make a finalized Decision on something that affects someone's life. Church leaders like Rob Bell won't speak out against living together before you're married all too often and instead can almost be in support of it. (There's a part in his book Sex God that actually makes it seem like he's making excuses for those living and sleeping together within the church, from my perspective at least.) Or other emergent leaders, like Brian McLaren certainly won't speak against the Homosexual lifestyle.
It's just beginning to bother me that we're so worried about being politically correct, and it seems we're not worried enough about being Biblically correct on the same topics. The Bible is clear, Homosexuality is a sin, being drunk is a sin, pre-marital sex is a sin, the bible is clear it's either a sin or it's not, there's no ifs ands or buts about it. It's cut and dry no half way, no part sin, it's sin or it's not. Paul wasn't politically correct at all in his beleifs or his teachings, so much so that he was stoned once and another time had an entire town out for his head. Jesus wasn't all that politically correct either, he washed his disciples feet, he brought children into his arms over adults, he had a bunch of young untrained guys as his Apostles. He spoke against the pharisees and priests of that day, he said that He was God, he turned over the seller's tables in the temple, and he hung out with crooks, prostitutes, and liars. What about that is Politically correct for a rabbai exactly?
He was biblically correct however, Granted his teachers fill the second half so it's easier for him cause they're his ideas but w/e. He HATED sin but LOVED the sinner, he put service first and self-service last. He aided the outcast of the world, spoke true words, and was not intentionally offensive, unless of course the message he preached was. He was Biblically correct all the time, and Politically correct rarely. We say we want to be like Jesus but don't want to offend anyone, I'm all for that. I'm not going to go up and offend somone directly or intentionally, but if the Gospel is Offensive to them, then o well. It's a fine line between being mean and committing a sin and being truthful. It's going to hurt somone, I mean being told clearly that Homosexual lifestyle is a sin is going to offend someone but so be it, it's the truth. Speaking against drug and alchohol abuse isn't popular but it needs to be done. Speaking out and speaking UP against pre-marital sex isn't popular but it's what Christ did, it's what Paul did, it's what the Bible Does!
We're so worried about offending people because they might leave our churches or our schools, if I preach the Bible with a sencerity in my heart, and Love in my heart, and they feel offended that I know it was the Bible that offended them not me, and I'm okay with that. Love is the key word. I can't be biblically correct if I don't preach and teach with Love. But there's just things we can't be both biblically correct and politically correct on.
I don't know about you, but 100% of the time I hope I choose Biblically correct over Politically correct, after all that's what I believe our Saviour did even up to the point where He died so that we may live.
Thoughts?
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