Future

Ever wake up with that feeling that everything was falling out from under you?

Yea, wish it went away when I woke up.

I'm not sure anymore what I'm supposed to do with myself. I'm told to finish school and keep going in what I'm doing. That's great. I mean I do think that I'd be great at being a teaching pastor and teaching Bible at a high school, yet I'm not always sold that I'm supposed to do that. I don't like school so why would I want to teach? I'm struggling to be who I should be. I can't seem to make the changes necessary to be who I'll need to be in order to do that right. Not that I'm doing anything terribly wrong but I'm not the typical picture of a pastor. I've really been debating dropping out of school and seeing if it's possible to get into the fire academy. I'd be good at it.

There's no secret that Many people can't picture me in ministry. And the responses I get from the parents and others is that those people don't really know my heart or that they don't really know me. My response typically is, maybe they know me better than you think. I'm not gentle, or all that kind. I struggle with things of Faith, in fact I wouldn't say I have a strong faith outside of a solid scripture knowledge. . . take away any aspect of the scripture and I go nuts Lose everything. It seems I put more faith in scripture than in Christ. maybe it's simply that I can see scripture, I can read it, I can touch it and I can't always do that with God. I have goals, things I'd like to do, typically encompassing the fact that I want to disciple young men into maturity. I hated how Bible was taught to me in High School, and I don't think we give today's youth enough credit, I believe we sell them short a lot. But am I the person to go and change that?

If I was truly meant to continue in ministry, would I have such doubts? Would I be able to question what I'm doing daily? Regardless of how good my worship was, or how difficult the day was the same questions come up again and again. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm wasting money, time, and energy. Yes I know that I can't truly waste time investing time in learning about God's word, but that doesn't make the thought go away.

I guess it comes to who do I want to be? What do I want to do? I want to serve God, but I'm not sure I'm able all the time certainly not sure I can when I'm in this state. . . So what do I do? I don't like this feeling at all.

Any thoughts? Ideas?

Heart pt 2

Different things have been put on my heart lately. People, ideas, goals, things that I've really had to come to grips with where they may not be be exactly as they seem. There's particularly been a lot of people that I've been praying for a lot, people that God has put on my heart because I can see a need for more of him in their lives. Not that they don't have him, but sometimes they have difficulty doing what he asks. It's been hard seeing people I love stray from the path he has, and from the way he wants them to be. It breaks my heart in fact. I don't mean this to be offensive, or to tell you all that you're evil people or anything like that. I just want you to know that i'm praying for you. And I hope you're praying for me. There's days where I'm not what I seem either, where I'm a fool and go my own way instead of the way that God wants me to go. In fact it's a constant struggle.

Everyday i deal with the fact that it seems as if a war is taking place within my soul. That part of me desperately wants to serve the Savior that paid my price, that i want o please him alone and that I know doing this will is how I can accomplish that. Being Holy, living as Christ would live, 1 John 1:6 says: "If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet wlak in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth." It's a hard realization, and it's not something I like to hear. That I'm not living out the truth that I long to share and to teach people. That I'm not receiving the opportunities or blessings that I could because I'm still stuck in my sin. It rips me apart knowing that there's more, there's better and I can have it, but I'm the one that's holding myself back. I'm the one lying to people, I'm the one doubting, I'm the one believing the Garbage that the Enemy has put into my head. It sucks.

I want you guys to know my heart, I want you to know that I love each and everyone of you. That I have had the pleasure of seeing God work in your life, and I've seen you wrestle with Him as well. I've seen you fail and succeed just as most of you have seen me fail and succeed. I pray for victory for all of you, and for myself. I pray that you receive the blessings due to those who give honor, praise, and who faithfully serve our Savior, our LORD, our Daddy. He's great, powerful, mighty, Holy, Just, Worthy, I can keep going and fill an entire volume of books with the things that He is that make him who He is.

If you wanna talk I"m here. If I made you mad, tell me. But above everything Know I'm praying for you. That i want to see you guys Walk in the Light. It's a great thing to walk in the light. Everything is better. The cloud doesn't have a silver lining when you walk in the light. it's made of precious jewels and gold. When I'm walking in the light and close with God I Love better, (Ask Dani) I serve better, I have more energy, I'm blessed more, I can come to better realization about God. Everything is better, even the bad doesn't seem bad when I'm walking Hand in Hand with God.

My Final word, we all have sin in our life, we all have something to deal with, as God Told Joshua in Joshua 7:13 (though a lose translation) there is sin in your camp, (life) Rise up, and deal with it, then you will be blessed. Take a stand with me, put on your armor (Ephesians 6:10-18) And fight. We're not meant to be weak, we're meant to stand strong for the Lord is our Foundation, our healer, and our Warrior who fights on our behalf. Be encouraged cause the war was won on the Cross, Jesus crushed Satan and while the battles are still waging, and they hard don't forget that, the war is won which means the Battles can be as well.

Email or text or call anytime. I love you all. Be blessed.

Bryce
Dare to be Loved.

Reclaiming Ground

I've spent a lot of time thinking about my dreams, my goals, the things that I desire, the things that Drive me. It's been a time of self evaluation. Some of it good, and some of it terrible. It's hard to think that I can want something that would be detrimental to what I truly want to do.

It's an expression of this battle that's waging with in me. This battle that is the world fighting to come forward, and then the God that I serve claiming ground that is already his. My dreams, my Goals, my Desires are grounds that God owns. They are things that he has complete control over, when I'm On. By being "on" I mean to say when I'm making an effort, when I'm walking in the Light ( 1 John 1) when I'm sincerely taking steps to grow closer to God. When I'm on. It's a beautiful thing. I trust that though I'm stretched thin I'll find rest, and even abundance. I believe that what I got is a good thing, it's a blessing and a strength. I love like no tomorrow. When I'm on I love God, my Family, my Friends, and Dani like there's no tomorrow. Funny, how when I'm close to God I over flow with love. . . isn't that the general idea? It's not a new concept to me, just a newer experience. It's a good thing. Something I wish I could do every day. Yet, I'm human so I fail. But I don't have to. I don't have to fail.

And I certainly and sick and tired of thinking that all I can do is fail. Its garbage. Satan is telling me that all I can do is fail. That I'm not good enough. Started with trust, telling me that noone can love me as my heart desires, that I can't be trusted to love like someone deserves or wants. He told me I wasn't going to do what I love, that I couldn't stand under the weight of what I really wanted to do So I quit. He's told me before that I'm going to fail at ministry, that I'm going to be nothing. I know it's him telling me that because God wouldn't tell me I'm going to fail at ministry, he'd simply change my ministry direction into something that I'm going to succeed at. This is where my heart is. Teaching Truth. Living every day to grow to be more like Christ. Living within the knowledge of the Grace that I don't deserve.

I'm done looking at myself as a failure. And I'm certainly done looking back and saying that God is the reason I have not done the things I love, or why things failed when I desperately wanted them to succeed. I blame myself and my gullibility for my failures, for believing that I couldn't do it. I'm jumping over a fence and I like the view on this side.

Jump with me? Come over? See how God can work in your life when you Let Go and acknowledge that He is Supreme, Sovereign, Loving, Kind, Good, Holy, and Perfect LORD. Come Grow closer to God with me, walk with me through the Light. And tell Satan to Go to Hell.

Armed and Ready

Over the summer I had the chance to work once again at Bair Lake Bible Camp as member of the senior staff. It was amazing. The fellowship, the teaching, the worship, the work, everything about it I loved. It was tough though, I had to work through some things that were definitely of spiritual nature. Feelings of not being good enough to work there, that I shouldn't be there, that the things I held closest were going to fall away. It was . . . ridiculous for me to think those things, because they didn't have any solid base on them. It was all lies that were trying to get me to fail and to give up so I couldn't do what I was there to do.

It was the best summer ever.

I grew so much closer to my LORD, I grew in my knowledge of a basic concept that we often forget, I grew closer to Danielle (and she was hours away!), I made a stand and fought for the right things, and most of all I was able to take up the armor of God in the way it was meant to be taken up. And that is probably the biggest thing that changed in me this summer, I figured out how to really use that armor to the fullest capabilities.

I wanted to touch that today, to explain that in my life now. First off I'll start at the top and work down. Ephesians 6:10-18 talks about the armor of God in all of it's components. I'll start with the Helmet of salvation which has been a huge help to me because it keeps reminding me that I have been given salvation, that the price was paid by someone that was capable of paying it because I am not. It reminds me that I need to be humble in my thinking about myself, yet realizing at the same time that I'm truly worth something because of what Christ has achieved in me.
Secondly the breast plate of righteous ness. It's so cool to hear that this isn't putting on our own righteous ness but Christ's it's getting up everyday and doing everything we can to be more like Christ. It helps steer us from sin, as well as keep sus honest about how we are meant to live.
The Belt of truth as easy for me, the truth is something I hope I never go away from in my teaching. Truth is truth, no matter what. There are certain truthes that are fought against today, but that doesn't mean they are not true, it just means that people are blind to them. I learned that "Truth" Is more than scriptures. It's also the things that are true, I'm saved, I'm a beloved child of God, I'm a servant, and even a Saint for the LORD. Things that Cannot be taken away from me. Truth, is what I long to hold on to.
The shield of faith was huge for me, knowing that it is truly the community of believers coming together and protecting each other. It's the ability to withstand peril and the devil because you have people around you pushing you to be better, and filling in the holes where you can't. It's having a church family, a set of people around you to lift you up in prayer to the LORD.
The sword of the Spirit. Ahh! what an amazing defensive weapon we have. We have the ability to pull scripture out every time we get tempted, and every time we can feel the Devil trying to get at us. As Josh Put it, when the devil has us by our throats we can take out our small sword and put it through his side and win the battle. It's amazing to think, but honestly it's worked!! So often since being home I've had scripture pop into my head that has helped me stay pure and think Holy things, or think about God instead of myself. It's incrediably powerful
Last but certainly not least. The Shoes of the Preparation of the Gospel of Peace. The thing that I most took away is that the Gospel is not merely for people who don't know God. It's for us too. I used the analagy of chains, for the person who does not know God, the Gospel releases those chains to sin and sets him free. For me, the believer, the Gospel reminds me that I was released, but also and more importantly that I'm in process of being healed by the grace of God. That the wounds that were left behind by the chains will fade, the affects may always be there, and there will be scars, but I won't have to go through life with that Pain because Christ has taken it away.

This one's long, I apologize but It's a good one I believe.

God Bless.

OH and for you guys too, read Isaiah 57, it talks about Jesus putting on his armour. . . soooo Cool!

Doubt

Even while I was at camp this summer I had some doubts running through my mind and they bothered me the entire time that I was there. They would battle back into my mind each and every time I though that I had them Subdued. It was incredibly difficult to go about the work that I had to do while I was at camp with those doubts in my head. Doubts about God's love, about my career path, about Danielle, about friends and school. Stupid things that I had once turned over to the Lord to Handle, yet it appears at some point that I came and took them back.

It came to me that I never truly gave them over to the Lord, I just put them there at the foot of the cross and walked away. That's the problem, I never handed them to the Lord, I never let Him take them and toss them away, to separate them from me completely. And then to make matters worse I walked away from the Cross, not to say I walked away from the Lord, but I took my eyes away from the Cross, and therefore away from the Strength that it gives me. It was crazy hard to go through this summer with that attitude. Granted I did it, but only through a great many prayers, and through the uplifting of others.

I had stopped searching for God in the Word, I was praying and expecting answers without actually seeking them out. Jeremiah 33:3 talks about God revealing secrets to us, and John 15:16 talks about how God will grant us what we wish so long as it is in accordance to His will. But when I'm asking questions, and He has this great book in front of me, and I don't go to it for answers, that is truly foolishness. Proverbs 3:5-6 is almost cliche in our culture but the words ring truer for me than ever, "trust in the Lord with all your heart" something I've done in the aspect of eternity, but not so much as in everyday. Yes somedays I throw myself before the Lord and trust him completely but others, I try to do it on my own.

Isaiah 40:29-31 is great because it again reiterates the point that it is those who trust in the LORD that will persevere. Those who don't look to the Lord for strength and don't trust him still to deliver on that are going to grow weary and fall. It's awesome to see that it's promised to us that we will succeed in Christ. Romans 8:37 in the NLT phrases it as "overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." How sweet is that!!

To finish, I came home and was crazy discouraged on Saturday. I just felt deserted that I was on my own and that I didn't matter. Then Sunday morning the sermon was from Psalm 91. It saved my mind. Read it. Get into it. Hide it in your heart, use it as a sword to defeat the devil when he is close enough that you can smell his breath.

Thanks,

Dare to Love, and Don't Look Back!

Walking away from the cross.

In an earlier post I believe I told a story about how I've come to look at people coming and bringing things to the Cross of Jesus Christ and leaving them there. It was three different people, one who left it there and just walked away from it, one who set it down, sat down and waited and when things didn't work in his time he picked it back up and left. and then the last who dropped it off, and prayed and then picked it back up and left.

There's a crucial thing wrong with that that I've come to understand, something that Changes how I look at that whole idea. Something that's probably rather elementary yet was out of my understanding for a while. They all walk away from the cross, they all in some way shape or form walk away from the cross. Instead of dropping things off at the feet of Jesus and at the base of His cross, what if we handed them over to Him, and let him cast them away as far as the east is from the west, and then clung too and kept our eye focused on the cross. Sin can't enter into our lives if we cling to the cross, and let it be the mainstay in our lives, but if we don't and we let go and look around we fall short.

Just like peter on the water, once he took his focus off of Jesus he began to doubt and then fell into the sea and could no longer walk on water. It was his faith that allowed him to look to Jesus for that miracle, and it was his doubt his FLESH that kept him from keeping that Gaze fixed on Jesus which thus made him fall.

So let's turn our eyes to Jesus, turn our sin over to him and Not fall short. Let's persevere to the end, and keep our eyes fixed on him because then walking on water could simply be the beginning.