Friday, December 4, 2009

1 Cor 13.4

Love and Peace have eluded me for a few weeks now. In fact it's been longer than that, but it's typically been in spurts. I'm over anxious, angry, I feel alone, unloved, unlovable and deserted. Oddly enough a line from a movie made me wonder, the line basically says that if I were the enemy I'd want you feeling alone and abandoned. It's how I feel.

I've also come to the conclusion that I know God is love. So if I don't feel Love, of any kind, am I also not feeling God? I asked myself this and decided that I'm an idiot. I've tried to do this alone, to "man up" when I should really be leaning on others, and crashing to my knees before the LORD. Why should I have to go it alone? I mean I'm not alone. I said earlier today, that God said it was not good for man to be alone, and truly I am not alone, I have others here at school, at home and afar that love me, pray for me, and help me when I need it, and yet I feel utterly alone. It's crap that I've let the Enemy place in my head.

I'm loved.
Unconditionally, I'm loved.

I've looked over the passage on Love in first Corinthians 13 many times. Looked at it to help me love the person I was seeing at one point in time, used it to affirm the fact that this one Lately is a different type of love. The same love that God shares for his church, for truly that must be the meaning of the passage, or at least a theme. I've read it again and finished with this question. Do I love God Unconditionally??

I've listed it here for you :
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (NASB)

Am I patient? Kind? Jealous? Am i arrogant in my Christianity, or my Faith? Do I act unbecomingly? Seek my own will? Do i get angry at God? Do I (dare) hold things against God? Would I rather be unrighteous and feel justified or be righteous? Do I believe, hope, bear and endure all things, God?

It's a focus point I believe. I mean look at it. I'm not patient, for me two days is too long because Well, I want things on my time! And he Laughs! I demand my own will a lot! I may say, if you will it, but honestly I say under my breath, well of course you will it because it's what's best! (According to whom, often comes after but I try to suppress it.) I am a fool and Hold things against God (So and so is happy! They're not depressed! They get this they get that!) I get mad at God. And certainly there are times where I do not believe that He's doing what's best, and I wish to not endure but escape. Foolish of me isn't it?

So, it's a time to refocus. Do we Love God unconditionally or are their(?) Conditions to how we Love Him?

I mean, He loves us unconditionally. Enough to sacrifice His son. So . . . shouldn't we repay the favor?