Even while I was at camp this summer I had some doubts running through my mind and they bothered me the entire time that I was there. They would battle back into my mind each and every time I though that I had them Subdued. It was incredibly difficult to go about the work that I had to do while I was at camp with those doubts in my head. Doubts about God's love, about my career path, about Danielle, about friends and school. Stupid things that I had once turned over to the Lord to Handle, yet it appears at some point that I came and took them back.
It came to me that I never truly gave them over to the Lord, I just put them there at the foot of the cross and walked away. That's the problem, I never handed them to the Lord, I never let Him take them and toss them away, to separate them from me completely. And then to make matters worse I walked away from the Cross, not to say I walked away from the Lord, but I took my eyes away from the Cross, and therefore away from the Strength that it gives me. It was crazy hard to go through this summer with that attitude. Granted I did it, but only through a great many prayers, and through the uplifting of others.
I had stopped searching for God in the Word, I was praying and expecting answers without actually seeking them out. Jeremiah 33:3 talks about God revealing secrets to us, and John 15:16 talks about how God will grant us what we wish so long as it is in accordance to His will. But when I'm asking questions, and He has this great book in front of me, and I don't go to it for answers, that is truly foolishness. Proverbs 3:5-6 is almost cliche in our culture but the words ring truer for me than ever, "trust in the Lord with all your heart" something I've done in the aspect of eternity, but not so much as in everyday. Yes somedays I throw myself before the Lord and trust him completely but others, I try to do it on my own.
Isaiah 40:29-31 is great because it again reiterates the point that it is those who trust in the LORD that will persevere. Those who don't look to the Lord for strength and don't trust him still to deliver on that are going to grow weary and fall. It's awesome to see that it's promised to us that we will succeed in Christ. Romans 8:37 in the NLT phrases it as "overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." How sweet is that!!
To finish, I came home and was crazy discouraged on Saturday. I just felt deserted that I was on my own and that I didn't matter. Then Sunday morning the sermon was from Psalm 91. It saved my mind. Read it. Get into it. Hide it in your heart, use it as a sword to defeat the devil when he is close enough that you can smell his breath.
Dare to Love, and Don't Look Back!