Wednesday, April 8, 2009


I made a mistake last night while I was praying. I asked the Lord to continue to break me, to keep doing it, and take me through the fire to the place I'm supposed to be, to the end result.
See, the issue isn't that I asked Him to break me, that's something we as Disciples should cry out for, but my problem was that I didn't expect Him to do it. Certainly not right away. See, I'm going through alot right now, if you don't know that's prolly not a horrible thing, if we're close and we don't talk, we should, but regardless. It's rough. I have no motivation, I have no energy, I'm just tired and worn out and sulky all the time. I get moments of Joy, and I'm learning to take joy in this struggle, in this trial, but it's momentary nothing lasting yet. I'm at a low point, certainly a low point for the year, possibly since I was a junior in high school. But, I jumped. I took the leap and left it up to God. Then, I egged him on.

I believe God is waiting for us to jump, he's waiting for us to cry out to Him and ask Him to break us further. Especially when we're already breaking, or seemingly broken. I didn't expect him to do it, I expected Him to be like " I already am, you're fine just keep going on this way and you'll be good." I was wrong. So So wrong. He took that prayer, where I asked to be broken more, where I declared my Trust in Him, my complete Trust (if you know me you know this is huge), I said "You're all I need! You can take everything! and i'll serve you." I've prayed this before, but He never took anything. He's taking. It's all for Good, all for God, but he's taking. and . . I'm fine. I got angry, frustrated, and doubtful of my solution and hope. But I'm fine. I'm not dead, My family is healthy, My God, the one true God, is Good beyond measure.

I was told by Eric, one of the guys from Bair Lake, that he learned as a blacksmith that you never apply more heat than necessary to make the change, but that if it requires more heat, (it's stubborn) you have to apply more heat. I've said similar things in the past. That when God speaks, if we don't listen, if we ignore Him, sometimes He speaks louder, not all the time, but sometimes. I was stubborn, I ignored Him. He applied more heat, He got louder. No, there's no missing it. It's time for a change, priorities, people even though not many, and life choices. I jumped, He caught me and is putting me on the Ground, it's rough ground, sometimes giving way, but He's got me.

I jumped, and I'm Okay. I'm breaking and I'm fine. I have the Lord, and He has me in His hands. I'm going to be better because of this. I'm going to be . .. better than ever because of this. I thought the last four years were amazing and awesome, even the last year and a half. I'm in for a surprise if this is the way he's leading me.

Jump. You'll be fine. He promised.

I Corinthians 10:12-13 NLT

If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are Tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

He never gives us more than we can handle. Ever.

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